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Brewster’s Millions

by George Barr McCutcheon

Length: 63,069 words, about 252 pages, about 4 hours to read

Satire and humour

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What it is

A young man stands to gain a fortune—but only if he loses one first.

The best passages

Pages from the book itself, chosen to make you want to read on. Each opens in the reader at that exact spot.

I: A Birthday Dinner

“The Little Sons of the Rich” were gathered about the long table in Pettingill’s studio. There were nine of them present, besides Brewster. They were all young, more or less enterprising, hopeful, and reasonably sure of better things to come. Most of them bore names that meant something in the story of New York. Indeed, one of them had remarked, “A man is known by the street that’s named after him,” and as he was a new member, they called him “Subway.”

The most popular man in the company was young “Monty” Brewster. He was tall and straight and smooth-shaven. People called him “clean-looking.” Older women were interested in him because his father and mother had made a romantic runaway match, which was the talk of the town in the seventies, and had never been forgiven. Worldly women were interested in him because he was the only grandson of Edwin Peter Brewster, who was many times a millionaire, and Monty was fairly certain to be his heir⁠—barring an absentminded gift to charity. Younger women were interested for a much more obvious and simple reason: they liked him. Men also took to Monty because he was a good sportsman, a man among men, because he had a decent respect for himself and no great aversion to work.

His father and mother had both died while he was still a child, and, as if to make up for his long relentlessness, the grandfather had taken the boy to his own house and had cared for him with what he called affection. After college and some months on the continent, however, Monty had preferred to be independent. Old Mr. Brewster had found him a place in the bank, but beyond this and occasional dinners, Monty asked for and received no favors.

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IV: A Second

In brief, the last will of James T. Sedgwick bequeathed everything, real and personal, of which he died possessed, to his only nephew, Montgomery Brewster of New York, son of Robert and Louise Sedgwick Brewster. Supplementing this all-important clause there was a set of conditions governing the final disposition of the estate. The most extraordinary of these conditions was the one which required the heir to be absolutely penniless upon the twenty-sixth anniversary of his birth, September 23rd.

The instrument went into detail in respect to this supreme condition. It set forth that Montgomery Brewster was to have no other worldly possession than the clothes which covered him on the September day named. He was to begin that day without a penny to his name, without a single article of jewelry, furniture or finance that he could call his own or could thereafter reclaim. At nine o’clock, New York time, on the morning of September 23rd, the executor, under the provisions of the will, was to make over and transfer to Montgomery Brewster all of the moneys, lands, bonds, and interests mentioned in the inventory which accompanied the will. In the event that Montgomery Brewster had not, in every particular, complied with the requirements of the will, to the full satisfaction of the said executor, Swearengen Jones, the estate was to be distributed among certain institutions of charity designated in the instrument. Underlying this imperative injunction of James Sedgwick was plainly discernible the motive that prompted it. In almost so many words he declared that his heir should not receive the fortune if he possessed a single penny that had come to him, in any shape or form, from the man he hated, Edwin Peter Brewster.

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IX: Love and a Prizefight

“Good heavens!” he exclaimed, “does the miserly old hayseed expect me to spend a million for newspapers, cigarettes and Boston terriers? I thought he would be reasonable!”

“He evidently has seen the newspaper accounts of your dinner, and this is merely his comment,” said Mr. Ripley.

“It’s either a warning, or else he’s ambiguous in his compliments,” growled Brewster, disgustedly.

“I don’t believe he disapproved, Mr. Brewster. In the west the old gentleman is widely known as a wit.”

“A wit, eh? Then he’ll appreciate an answer from me. Have you a telegraph blank, Mr. Grant?”

Two minutes later the following telegram to Swearengen Jones was awaiting the arrival of a messenger-boy, and Brewster was blandly assuring Messrs. Grant & Ripley that he did not “care a rap for the consequences”:

New York, October 23, 1⁠—

Swearengen Jones, Butte, Mont.

No doubt you could do it for less than six thousand. Montana is regarded as the best grazing country in the world, but we don’t eat that sort of stuff in New York. That’s why it costs more to live here.

Montgomery Brewster.

Just before leaving his apartments for Miss Drew’s home he received this response from faraway Montana:

Butte, Montana, Oct. 23, 1⁠—

Montgomery Brewster, New York.

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XI: Coals of Fire

“Throw up your hands!” came hoarsely from somewhere, and there was no tenderness in the tones. For an instant Monty was dazed and bewildered, but in the next he saw two shadowy figures walking beside him. “Stop where you are, young fellow,” was the next command, and he stopped short. He was in a mood to fight, but the sight of a revolver made him think again. Monty was not a coward, neither was he a fool. He was quick to see that a struggle would be madness.

“What do you want?” he demanded as coolly as his nerves would permit.

“Put up your hands quick!” and he hastily obeyed the injunction.

“Not a sound out of you or you get it good and proper. You know what we want. Get to work, Bill; I’ll watch his hands.”

“Help yourselves, boys. I’m not fool enough to scrap about it. Don’t hit me or shoot, that’s all. Be quick about it, because I’ll take cold if my overcoat is open long. How’s business been tonight?” Brewster was to all intents and purposes the calmest man in New York.

“Fierce!” said the one who was doing the searching. “You’re the first guy we’ve seen in a week that looks good.”

“I hope you won’t be disappointed,” said Monty, genially. “If I’d expected this I might have brought more money.”

“I guess we’ll be satisfied,” chuckled the man with the revolver. “You’re awful nice and kind, mister, and maybe you wouldn’t object to tellin’ us when you’ll be up dis way ag’in.”

“It’s a pleasure to do business with you, pardner,” said the other, dropping Monty’s $300 watch in his pocket. “We’ll leave carfare for you for your honesty.”

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XXIV: The Sheik’s Strategy

Something bumped against the side of the ship and a grating sound followed. Then came other gentle thuds combined with the soft swish of water disturbed. Peggy and Brewster were on the point of going below when their attention was caught by these strange sounds.

“What is it?” she asked as they paused irresolutely. He strode to the rail, the girl following close behind him. Three sharp little whistles came from above and behind them, but before they had time even to speculate as to their meaning the result was in evidence.

Over the sides of the ship came shadowy forms as if by magic; at their backs panther-like bodies dropped to the deck with stealthy thuds, as if coming from the inky sky above. There was an instant of dreadful calm and then the crisis. A dozen sinewy forms hurled themselves upon Brewster, who, taken completely by surprise, was thrown to the deck in an instant, his attempt to cry out for help being checked by heavy hands. Peggy’s scream was cut off quickly, and paralyzed by terror, she felt herself engulfed in strong arms and smothered into silence. It all happened so quickly that there was no chance to give the alarm, no opportunity to resist.

Brewster felt himself lifted bodily, and then there was the sensation of falling. He struck something forcibly with all his weight and fell back with a crash to the deck. Afterward he found that the effort to throw him overboard had failed only because his assailants in their haste had hurled him against an unseen stanchion. Peggy was borne forward and lowered swiftly into arms that deposited her roughly upon something hard.

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10 of the best lines

“A man is known by the street that’s named after him,”

I: A Birthday DinnerKeep reading from here

He had “realized,” as Oliver Harrison would have put it.

II: Shades of AladdinKeep reading from here

“Wouldn’t you exchange a million for seven millions, Mr. Grant?”

IV: A SecondKeep reading from here

“Thank the Lord!” he said softly in the hush.

VI: Monty CristoKeep reading from here

“You are a thoroughbred, Mrs. Dan,” he exclaimed.

XII: Christmas DespairKeep reading from here

“Thank heaven it’s fashionable,” laughed Monty, who showed no fear of the prospect.

XV: The Cut DirectKeep reading from here

“You told me that once before, Monty,”

XVII: The New TenderfootKeep reading from here

“Lothario has a pain,” whispered “Rip” Van Winkle sympathetically, and Brewster laughed.

XXIII: An Offer of MarriageKeep reading from here

“I made sure of my pearls,” she said; “I thought they would be appreciated at the bottom of the sea.”

XXVIII: A CatastropheKeep reading from here

If anyone should tell you that it is an easy matter to waste a million dollars, refer him to me.

XXXI: How the Million DisappearedKeep reading from here

All 29 Brewster’s Millions quotes, with the words around each

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Contents

All 34 parts
  1. I: A Birthday Dinner
  2. II: Shades of Aladdin
  3. III: Mrs. and Miss Gray
  4. IV: A Second
  5. V: The Message from Jones
  6. VI: Monty Cristo
  7. VII: A Lesson in Tact
  8. VIII: The Forelock of Time
  9. IX: Love and a Prizefight
  10. X: Napoleon of Finance
  11. XI: Coals of Fire
  12. XII: Christmas Despair
  13. XIII: A Friend in Need
  14. XIV: Mrs. DeMille Entertains
  15. XV: The Cut Direct
  16. XVI: In the Sunny South
  17. XVII: The New Tenderfoot
  18. XVIII: The Prodigal at Sea
  19. XIX: One Hero and Another
  20. XX: Le Roi s’amuse
  21. XXI: Fairyland
  22. XXII: Prince and Peasants
  23. XXIII: An Offer of Marriage
  24. XXIV: The Sheik’s Strategy
  25. XXV: The Rescue of Peggy
  26. XXVI: Mutiny
  27. XXVII: A Fair Traitor
  28. XXVIII: A Catastrophe
  29. XXIX: The Prodigal’s Return
  30. XXX: The Promise of Thrift
  31. XXXI: How the Million Disappeared
  32. XXXII: The Night Before
  33. XXXIII: The Flight of Jones
  34. XXXIV: The Last Word

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About this edition

Text from Standard Ebooks. Standard Ebooks dedicate their edition to the public domain (CC0 1.0). Every passage and line on this page is the book's own words, checked against the text.