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The Doctor’s Dilemma

by George Bernard Shaw

Length: 61,301 words, about 245 pages, about 4 hours to read

Drama

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What it is

A doctor must decide which patient is worthy of his newly discovered cure: a talented but amoral artist, or a good-hearted but undistinguished public servant.

The best passages

Pages from the book itself, chosen to make you want to read on. Each opens in the reader at that exact spot.

Act I

On the 15th June 1903, in the early forenoon, a medical student, surname Redpenny, Christian name unknown and of no importance, sits at work in a doctor’s consulting-room. He devils for the doctor by answering his letters, acting as his domestic laboratory assistant, and making himself indispensable generally, in return for unspecified advantages involved by intimate intercourse with a leader of his profession, and amounting to an informal apprenticeship and a temporary affiliation. Redpenny is not proud, and will do anything he is asked without reservation of his personal dignity if he is asked in a fellow-creaturely way. He is a wide-open-eyed, ready, credulous, friendly, hasty youth, with his hair and clothes in reluctant transition from the untidy boy to the tidy doctor.

Redpenny is interrupted by the entrance of an old serving-woman who has never known the cares, the preoccupations, the responsibilities, jealousies, and anxieties of personal beauty. She has the complexion of a never-washed gypsy, incurable by any detergent; and she has, not a regular beard and moustaches, which could at least be trimmed and waxed into a masculine presentableness, but a whole crop of small beards and moustaches, mostly springing from moles all over her face. She carries a duster and toddles about meddlesomely, spying out dust so diligently that whilst she is flicking off one speck she is already looking elsewhere for another.

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Act I

A middle-aged gentleman, well dressed, comes in with a friendly but propitiatory air, not quite sure of his reception. His combination of soft manners and responsive kindliness, with a certain unseizable reserve and a familiar yet foreign chiselling of feature, reveal the Jew: in this instance the handsome gentlemanly Jew, gone a little pigeon-breasted and stale after thirty, as handsome young Jews often do, but still decidedly good-looking.

The Gentleman

Do you remember me? Schutzmacher. University College school and Belsize Avenue. Loony Schutzmacher, you know.

Ridgeon

What! Loony! He shakes hands cordially. Why, man, I thought you were dead long ago. Sit down. Schutzmacher sits on the couch: Ridgeon on the chair between it and the window. Where have you been these thirty years?

Schutzmacher

In general practice, until a few months ago. I’ve retired.

Ridgeon

Well done, Loony! I wish I could afford to retire. Was your practice in London?

Schutzmacher

No.

Ridgeon

Fashionable coast practice, I suppose.

Schutzmacher

How could I afford to buy a fashionable practice? I hadn’t a rap. I set up in a manufacturing town in the midlands in a little surgery at ten shillings a week.

Ridgeon

And made your fortune?

Schutzmacher

Well, I’m pretty comfortable. I have a place in Hertfordshire besides our flat in town. If you ever want a quiet Saturday to Monday, I’ll take you down in my motor at an hours notice.

Ridgeon

Just rolling in money! I wish you rich G.P.’s would teach me how to make some. What’s the secret of it?

Schutzmacher

Oh, in my case the secret was simple enough, though I suppose I should have got into trouble if it had attracted any notice. And I’m afraid you’ll think it rather infra dig.

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Act I

Sir Patrick

And how is a certain distinguished family getting on under your care, Sir Ralph?

B.B.

Our friend Ridgeon will be gratified to hear that I have tried his opsonin treatment on little Prince Henry with complete success.

Ridgeon

Startled and anxious. But how⁠—

B.B.

Continuing. I suspected typhoid: the head gardener’s boy had it; so I just called at St. Anne’s one day and got a tube of your very excellent serum. You were out, unfortunately.

Ridgeon

I hope they explained to you carefully⁠—

B.B.

Waving away the absurd suggestion. Lord bless you, my dear fellow, I didn’t need any explanations. I’d left my wife in the carriage at the door; and I’d no time to be taught my business by your young chaps. I know all about it. I’ve handled these antitoxins ever since they first came out.

Ridgeon

But they’re not antitoxins; and they’re dangerous unless you use them at the right time.

B.B.

Of course they are. Everything is dangerous unless you take it at the right time. An apple at breakfast does you good: an apple at bedtime upsets you for a week. There are only two rules for antitoxins. First, don’t be afraid of them: second, inject them a quarter of an hour before meals, three times a day.

Ridgeon

Appalled. Great heavens, B.B., no, no, no.

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Act I

Huffily. I am not a curemonger: if you want cures, you must go to the people who sell them. Recovering himself, ashamed of the tone of his own voice. But I have at the hospital ten tuberculous patients whose lives I believe I can save.

Mrs. Dubedat

Thank God!

Ridgeon

Wait a moment. Try to think of those ten patients as ten shipwrecked men on a raft⁠—a raft that is barely large enough to save them⁠—that will not support one more. Another head bobs up through the waves at the side. Another man begs to be taken aboard. He implores the captain of the raft to save him. But the captain can only do that by pushing one of his ten off the raft and drowning him to make room for the newcomer. That is what you are asking me to do.

Mrs. Dubedat

But how can that be? I don’t understand. Surely⁠—

Ridgeon

You must take my word for it that it is so. My laboratory, my staff, and myself are working at full pressure. We are doing our utmost. The treatment is a new one. It takes time, means, and skill; and there is not enough for another case. Our ten cases are already chosen cases. Do you understand what I mean by chosen?

Mrs. Dubedat

Chosen. No: I can’t understand.

Ridgeon

Sternly. You must understand. You’ve got to understand and to face it. In every single one of those ten cases I have had to consider, not only whether the man could be saved, but whether he was worth saving.

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Act II

Ridgeon

The woman! Do you mean the lady who dined here? the gentleman’s wife?

The Maid

Don’t believe them, sir. She can’t be his wife. I’m his wife.

In amazed remonstrance:

B.B.

My good girl!

Ridgeon

You his wife!

Walpole

What! what’s that? Oh, this is getting perfectly fascinating, Ridgeon.

The Maid

I could run upstairs and get you my marriage lines in a minute, sir, if you doubt my word. He’s Mr. Louis Dubedat, isn’t he?

Ridgeon

Yes.

The Maid

Well, sir, you may believe me or not; but I’m the lawful Mrs. Dubedat.

Sir Patrick

And why aren’t you living with your husband?

The Maid

We couldn’t afford it, sir. I had thirty pounds saved; and we spent it all on our honeymoon in three weeks, and a lot more that he borrowed. Then I had to go back into service, and he went to London to get work at his drawing; and he never wrote me a line or sent me an address. I never saw nor heard of him again until I caught sight of him from the window going off in the motor with that woman.

Sir Patrick

Well, that’s two wives to start with.

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10 of the best lines

It is not the fault of our doctors that the medical service of the community, as at present provided for, is a murderous absurdity.

Preface on DoctorsKeep reading from here

Nothing is more dangerous than a poor doctor: not even a poor employer or a poor landlord.

Preface on DoctorsKeep reading from here

Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; and do not outlive yourself.

Preface on DoctorsKeep reading from here

Everything is dangerous unless you take it at the right time. An apple at breakfast does you good: an apple at bedtime upsets you for a week.

Act IKeep reading from here

We’re not a profession: we’re a conspiracy.

Act IKeep reading from here

Consultation free. Cure guaranteed.

Act IKeep reading from here

Well, that’s two wives to start with.

Act IIKeep reading from here

It’s very hard to look you in the face, Dubedat; you have such a dazzling cheek.

Act IIIKeep reading from here

Death ends everything, doesn’t it? Goodbye.

Act IIIKeep reading from here

A blackguard’s a blackguard; an honest man’s an honest man; and neither of them will ever be at a loss for a religion or a morality to prove that their ways are the right ways.

Act IVKeep reading from here

All 32 The Doctor’s Dilemma quotes, with the words around each

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Contents

  1. Acknowledgments
  2. Preface on Doctors
  3. Act I
  4. Act II
  5. Act III
  6. Act IV
  7. Act V

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About this edition

Text from Standard Ebooks. Standard Ebooks dedicate their edition to the public domain (CC0 1.0). Every passage and line on this page is the book's own words, checked against the text.