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Getting Married

by George Bernard Shaw

Length: 61,613 words, about 246 pages, about 4 hours to read

Drama, Satire and humour

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What it is

On the morning of a young couple’s wedding, concerns about what is to come inspire discussions about the institution of marriage.

The best passages

Pages from the book itself, chosen to make you want to read on. Each opens in the reader at that exact spot.

Getting Married

On a fine morning in the spring of 1908 the Norman kitchen in the Palace of the Bishop of Chelsea looks very spacious and clean and handsome and healthy.

The Bishop is lucky enough to have a XII century palace. The palace itself has been lucky enough to escape being carved up into XV century Gothic, or shaved into XVIII century ashlar, or “restored” by a XIX century builder and a Victorian architect with a deep sense of the umbrella-like gentlemanliness of XIV century vaulting. The present occupant, A. Chelsea, unofficially Alfred Bridgenorth, appreciates Norman work. He has, by adroit complaints of the discomfort of the place, induced the Ecclesiastical Commissioners to give him some money to spend on it; and with this he has got rid of the wallpapers, the paint, the partitions, the exquisitely planed and moulded casings with which the Victorian cabinetmakers enclosed and hid the huge black beams of hewn oak, and of all other expedients of his predecessors to make themselves feel at home and respectable in a Norman fortress. It is a house built to last forever. The walls and beams are big enough to carry the tower of Babel, as if the builders, anticipating our modern ideas and instinctively defying them, had resolved to show how much material they could lavish on a house built for the glory of God, instead of keeping a competitive eye on the advantage of sending in the lowest tender, and scientifically calculating how little material would be enough to prevent the whole affair from tumbling down by its own weight.

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Getting Married

I’m a regular old maid. I’m very particular about my belongings. I like to have my own house, and to have it to myself. I have a very keen sense of beauty and fitness and cleanliness and order. I am proud of my independence and jealous for it. I have a sufficiently well-stocked mind to be very good company for myself if I have plenty of books and music. The one thing I never could stand is a great lout of a man smoking all over my house and going to sleep in his chair after dinner, and untidying everything. Ugh!

The General

But love⁠—

Lesbia

Oh, love! Have you no imagination? Do you think I have never been in love with wonderful men? heroes! archangels! princes! sages! even fascinating rascals! and had the strangest adventures with them? Do you know what it is to look at a mere real man after that? a man with his boots in every corner, and the smell of his tobacco in every curtain?

The General

Somewhat dazed. Well but⁠—excuse my mentioning it⁠—don’t you want children?

Lesbia

I ought to have children. I should be a good mother to children. I believe it would pay the country very well to pay me very well to have children. But the country tells me that I can’t have a child in my house without a man in it too; so I tell the country that it will have to do without my children. If I am to be a mother, I really cannot have a man bothering me to be a wife at the same time.

The General

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Getting Married

The General

Stung. Ha! The old complaint. You all want geniuses to marry. This demand for clever men is ridiculous. Somebody must marry the plain, honest, stupid fellows. Have you thought of that?

Leo

But there are such lots of stupid women to marry. Why do they want to marry us? Besides, Rejjy knows that I’m quite fond of him. I like him because he wants me; and I like Sinjon because I want him. I feel that I have a duty to Rejjy.

The General

Precisely: you have.

Leo

And, of course, Sinjon has the same duty to me.

The General

Tut, tut!

Leo

Oh, how silly the law is! Why can’t I marry them both?

The General

Shocked. Leo!

Leo

Well, I love them both. I should like to marry a lot of men. I should like to have Rejjy for every day, and Sinjon for concerts and theatres and going out in the evenings, and some great austere saint for about once a year at the end of the season, and some perfectly blithering idiot of a boy to be quite wicked with. I so seldom feel wicked; and, when I do, it’s such a pity to waste it merely because it’s too silly to confess to a real grown up man.

Reginald

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Getting Married

Lesbia appears in the tower, rather perturbed.

Lesbia

Alice: will you come upstairs? Edith is not dressed.

Mrs. Bridgenorth

Rising. Not dressed! Does she know what hour it is?

Lesbia

She has locked herself into her room, reading.

The Bishop’s song ceases; he stops dead in his stroll.

The General

Reading!

The Bishop

What is she reading?

Lesbia

Some pamphlet that came by the eleven o’clock post. She won’t come out. She won’t open the door. And she says she doesn’t know whether she’s going to be married or not till she’s finished the pamphlet. Did you ever hear such a thing? Do come and speak to her.

Mrs. Bridgenorth

Alfred: you had better go.

The Bishop

Try Collins.

Lesbia

Weve tried Collins already. He got all that I’ve told you out of her through the keyhole. Come, Alice. She vanishes. Mrs. Bridgenorth hurries after her.

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10 of the best lines

There is no subject on which more dangerous nonsense is talked and thought than marriage.

The Revolt Against MarriageKeep reading from here

Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo.

Hearth and HomeKeep reading from here

The domestic doctrinaires are also the dull people.

Domestic Change of AirKeep reading from here

An unhappy household is a bad nursery.

What Is to Become of the Children?Keep reading from here

No, Lesbia. They represent despair and cowardice.

Getting MarriedKeep reading from here

I so seldom feel wicked; and, when I do, it’s such a pity to waste it merely because it’s too silly to confess to a real grown up man.

Getting MarriedKeep reading from here

Oh, the world will go on, ma’am don’t you be afraid of that. It ain’t so easy to stop it as the earnest kind of people think.

Getting MarriedKeep reading from here

You know that the sins that are wasting and maddening this unhappy nation are those committed in wedlock.

Getting MarriedKeep reading from here

Any man who has the power to spoil your marriage has the power to spoil your life.

Getting MarriedKeep reading from here

I’m afraid I think this rage for happiness rather vulgar.

Getting MarriedKeep reading from here

All 99 Getting Married quotes, with the words around each

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Contents

All 54 parts
  1. Preface to Getting Married
  2. The Revolt Against Marriage
  3. Marriage Nevertheless Inevitable
  4. What Does the Word Marriage Mean?
  5. Survivals of Sex Slavery
  6. The New Attack on Marriage
  7. A Forgotten Conference of Married Men
  8. Hearth and Home
  9. Too Much of a Good Thing
  10. Large and Small Families
  11. The Gospel of Laodicea
  12. For Better for Worse
  13. Wanted: An Immoral Statesman
  14. The Limits of Democracy
  15. The Science and Art of Politics
  16. Why Statesmen Shirk the Marriage Question
  17. The Question of Population
  18. The Right to Motherhood
  19. Monogamy, Polygyny and Polyandry
  20. The Male Revolt Against Polygyny
  21. Difference Between Oriental and Occidental Polygyny
  22. The Old Maid’s Right to Motherhood
  23. Ibsen’s Chain Stitch
  24. Remoteness of the Facts from the Ideal
  25. Difficulty of Obtaining Evidence
  26. Marriage as a Magic Spell
  27. The Impersonality of Sex
  28. The Economic Slavery of Women
  29. Unpopularity of Impersonal Views
  30. Impersonality Is Not Promiscuity
  31. Domestic Change of Air
  32. Home Manners Are Bad Manners
  33. Spurious “Natural” Affection
  34. Carrying the War Into the Enemy’s Country
  35. Shelley and Queen Victoria
  36. A Probable Effect of Giving Women the Vote
  37. The Personal Sentimental Basis of Monogamy
  38. Divorce
  39. Importance of Sentimental Grievance
  40. Divorce Without Asking Why
  41. Economic Slavery Again the Root Difficulty
  42. Labor Exchanges and the White Slavery
  43. Divorce Favorable to Marriage
  44. Male Economic Slavery and the Rights of Bachelors
  45. The Pathology of Marriage
  46. The Criminology of Marriage
  47. Does It Matter?
  48. Christian Marriage
  49. Divorce a Sacramental Duty
  50. Othello and Desdemona
  51. What Is to Become of the Children?
  52. The Cost of Divorce
  53. Conclusions
  54. Preface

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About this edition

Text from Standard Ebooks. Standard Ebooks dedicate their edition to the public domain (CC0 1.0). Every passage and line on this page is the book's own words, checked against the text.