The Vicar of Wakefield quotes

The description of the family of Wakefield; in which a kindred likeness prevails as well of minds as of persons.

I was ever of opinion, that the honest man who married and brought up a large family, did more service than he who continued single, and only talked of population.

From this motive, I had scarce taken orders a year before I began to think seriously of matrimony, and chose my wife as she did her wedding gown, not for a fine glossy surface, but such qualities as would wear well.

We had an elegant house, situated in a fine country, and a good neighbourhood. The year was spent in moral or rural amusements; in visiting our rich neighbours, and relieving such as were poor.

We had no revolutions to fear, nor fatigues to undergo; all our adventures were by the fireside, and all our migrations from the blue bed to the brown.

As we lived near the road, we often had the traveller or stranger visit us to taste our gooseberry wine, for which we had great reputation;

To do her justice, she was a good-natured notable woman; and as for breeding, there were few country ladies who could show more.

She could read any English book without much spelling, but for pickling, preserving, and cookery, none could excel her.

She prided herself also upon being an excellent contriver in housekeeping; though I could never find that we grew richer with all her contrivances. However, we loved each other tenderly, and our fondness increased as we grew old.

My orchard was often robbed by schoolboys, and my wife’s custards plundered by the cats or the children.

The Squire would sometimes fall asleep in the most pathetic parts of my sermon, or his lady return my wife’s civilities at church with a mutilated curtesy.

But we soon got over the uneasiness caused by such accidents, and usually in three or four days began to wonder how they vexed us.

My orchard was often robbed by schoolboys, and my wife’s custards plundered by the cats or the children. The Squire would sometimes fall asleep in the most pathetic parts of my sermon, or his lady return my wife’s civilities at church with a mutilated curtesy.

But we soon got over the uneasiness caused by such accidents, and usually in three or four days began to wonder how they vexed us.

My children, the offspring of temperance, as they were educated without softness, so they were at once well formed and healthy; my sons hardy and active, my daughters beautiful and blooming.

for handsome is that handsome does.” And then she would bid the girls hold up their heads; who, to conceal nothing, were certainly very handsome.

Mere outside is so very trifling a circumstance with me, that I should scarce have remembered to mention it, had it not been a general topic of conversation in the country.

Olivia, now about eighteen, had that luxuriancy of beauty with which painters generally draw Hebe; open, sprightly, and commanding. Sophia’s features were not so striking at first; but often did more certain execution; for they were soft, modest, and alluring.

I was early initiated into this important dispute, on which so many laborious volumes have been written.

I published some tracts upon the subject myself, which, as they never sold, I have the consolation of thinking are read only by the happy few.

Some of my friends called this my weak side; but alas! they had not like me made it the subject of long contemplation. The more I reflected upon it, the more important it appeared. I even went a step beyond Whiston in displaying my principles:

and having got it copied fair, with an elegant frame, it was placed over the chimneypiece, where it answered several very useful purposes.

It admonished my wife of her duty to me, and my fidelity to her; it inspired her with a passion for fame, and constantly put her in mind of her end.

It was thus, perhaps, from hearing marriage so often recommended, that my eldest son, just upon leaving college, fixed his affections upon the daughter of a neighbouring clergyman, who was a dignitary in the church, and in circumstances to give her a large fortune:

for I well knew that aspiring beggary is wretchedness itself. “You cannot be ignorant, my children,” cried I, “that no prudence of ours could have prevented our late misfortune; but prudence may do much in disappointing its effects.

We are now poor, my fondlings, and wisdom bids us conform to our humble situation.

Let us then, without repining, give up those splendours with which numbers are wretched, and seek in humbler circumstances that peace with which all may be happy. The poor live pleasantly without our help, why then should not we learn to live without theirs.

We are now poor, my fondlings, and wisdom bids us conform to our humble situation. Let us then, without repining, give up those splendours with which numbers are wretched, and seek in humbler circumstances that peace with which all may be happy.

The poor live pleasantly without our help, why then should not we learn to live without theirs.

No, my children, let us from this moment give up all pretensions to gentility; we have still enough left for happiness if we are wise, and let us draw upon content for the deficiencies of fortune.”

Adulation ever follows the ambitious; for such alone receive most pleasure from flattery. He was surrounded with crowds, who showed him only one side of their character; so that he began to lose a regard for private interest in universal sympathy.

He loved all mankind; for fortune prevented him from knowing that there were rascals.

Physicians tell us of a disorder in which the whole body is so exquisitely sensible, that the slightest touch gives pain: what some have thus suffered in their persons, this gentleman felt in his mind.

This well-timed present pleaded more powerfully in his favour, than anything I had to say could obviate. I therefore continued silent, satisfied with just having pointed out danger, and leaving it to their own discretion to avoid it.

That virtue which requires to be ever guarded, is scarce worth the sentinel.

Burchell, that saved our Sophia, and that run you down fairly in the argument.”—“Confute me in argument, child!” cried I. “You mistake there, my dear. I believe there are but few that can do that:

I never dispute your abilities at making a goose-pie, and I beg you’ll leave argument to me.

”—As I spoke, poor Mr. Burchell entered the house, and was welcomed by the family, who shook him heartily by the hand, while little Dick officiously reached him a chair.

and I observed them for a good while cooking something over the fire. I at first supposed they were assisting their mother; but little Dick informed me in a whisper, that they were making a wash for the face.

Washes of all kinds I had a natural antipathy to; for I knew that instead of mending the complexion they spoiled it.

I therefore approached my chair by sly degrees to the fire, and grasping the poker, as if it wanted mending, seemingly by accident, overturned the whole composition, and it was too late to begin another.

But as men are most capable of distinguishing merit in women, so the ladies often form the truest judgments of us.

The two sexes seem placed as spies upon each other, and are furnished with different abilities, adapted for mutual inspection.

“Sir,” replied she, “I am to have a Lord soon after my sister has married the Squire.”—“How,” cried I, “is that all you are to have for your two shillings! Only a Lord and a Squire for two shillings!

You fools, I could have promised you a Prince and a Nabob for half the money.

” This curiosity of theirs, however, was attended with very serious effects: we now began to think ourselves designed by the stars for something exalted, and already anticipated our future grandeur.

It has been a thousand times observed, and I must observe it once more, that the hours we pass with happy prospects in view, are more pleasing than those crowned with fruition.

In the first case we cook the dish to our own appetite; in the latter nature cooks it for us.

It is impossible to repeat the train of agreeable reveries we called up for our entertainment. We looked upon our fortunes as once more rising;

But we could have borne all this, had not a fortune-telling gypsey come to raise us into perfect sublimity. The tawny sybil no sooner appeared, than my girls came running to me for a shilling a piece to cross her hand with silver.

To say the truth, I was tired of being always wise, and could not help gratifying their request, because I loved to see them happy.

I gave each of them a shilling; though, for the honour of the family, it must be observed, that they never went without money themselves, as my wife always generously let them have a guinea each, to keep in their pockets;

Mr. Burchell is found to be an enemy; for he has the confidence to give disagreeable advice.

Our family had now made several attempts to be fine; but some unforeseen disaster demolished each as soon as projected.

I endeavoured to take the advantage of every disappointment, to improve their good sense in proportion as they were frustrated in ambition.

Such as are poor and will associate with none but the rich, are hated by those they avoid, and despised by these they follow.

Unequal combinations are always disadvantageous to the weaker side: the rich having the pleasure, and the poor the inconveniencies that result from them.

But come, Dick, my boy, and repeat the fable that you were reading today, for the good of the company.”

Our breach of hospitality went to my conscience a little: but I quickly silenced that monitor by two or three specious reasons, which served to satisfy and reconcile me to myself.

The pain which conscience gives the man who has already done wrong, is soon got over.

Conscience is a coward, and those faults it has not strength enough to prevent, it seldom has justice enough to accuse.

but I quickly silenced that monitor by two or three specious reasons, which served to satisfy and reconcile me to myself. The pain which conscience gives the man who has already done wrong, is soon got over.

Conscience is a coward, and those faults it has not strength enough to prevent, it seldom has justice enough to accuse.

Though this was one of the first mercantile transactions of my life, yet I had no doubt about acquitting myself with reputation.

The opinion a man forms of his own prudence is measured by that of the company he keeps, and as mine was mostly in the family way, I had conceived no unfavourable sentiments of my worldly wisdom.

My wife, however, next morning, at parting, after I had got some paces from the door, called me back, to advise me, in a whisper, to have all my eyes about me.

but I know the rogue, and will catch him yet.” Though I was already sufficiently mortified, my greatest struggle was to come, in facing my wife and daughters.

No truant was ever more afraid of returning to school, there to behold the master’s visage, than I was of going home.

I was determined, however, to anticipate their fury, by first falling into a passion myself.

Though I was already sufficiently mortified, my greatest struggle was to come, in facing my wife and daughters. No truant was ever more afraid of returning to school, there to behold the master’s visage, than I was of going home.

I was determined, however, to anticipate their fury, by first falling into a passion myself.

But, alas! upon entering, I found the family no way disposed for battle. My wife and girls were all in tears, Mr. Thornhill having been there that day to inform them, that their journey to town was entirely over.

Scandalous whispers began to circulate at our expense, and our tranquility was continually disturbed by persons who came as friends to tell us what was said of us by enemies.

These reports we always resented with becoming spirit; but scandal ever improves by opposition.

We once again therefore entered into a consultation upon obviating the malice of our enemies, and at last came to a resolution which had too much cunning to give me entire satisfaction. It was this:

“But heaven help,” continued she, “the girls that have none. What signifies beauty, Mr. Thornhill? or what signifies all the virtue, and all the qualifications in the world, in this age of self-interest?

It is not, what is she? but what has she? is all the cry.

”

The sooner she returns from her transgression, the more welcome shall she be to me. For the first time the very best may err; art may persuade, and novelty spread out its charm.

The first fault is the child of simplicity; but every other the offspring of guilt.

Yes, the wretched creature shall be welcome to this heart and this house, though stained with ten thousand vices. I will again hearken to the music of her voice, again will I hang fondly on her bosom, if I find but repentance there.

“Now, I read all the politics that come out. The Daily, the Public, the Ledger, the Chronicle, the London Evening, the Whitehall Evening, the seventeen magazines, and the two reviews; and though they hate each other, I love them all.

Liberty, Sir, liberty is the Briton’s boast, and by all my coal mines in Cornwall, I reverence its guardians.

” “Then it is to be hoped,” cried I, “you reverence the king.” “Yes,” returned my entertainer, “when he does what we would have him; but if he goes on as he has done of late, I’ll never trouble myself more with his matters.

“No, Sir,” replied I, “I am for liberty, that attribute of Gods! Glorious liberty! that theme of modern declamation.

I would have all men kings. I would be a king myself.

We have all naturally an equal right to the throne: we are all originally equal. This is my opinion, and was once the opinion of a set of honest men who were called Levellers.

The first misfortune of my life, which you all know, was great; but though it distressed, it could not sink me.

No person ever had a better knack at hoping than I.

The less kind I found fortune at one time, the more I expected from her another, and being now at the bottom of her wheel, every new revolution might lift, but could not depress me.

Witness you powers what fancied importance sat perched upon my quill while I was writing. The whole learned world, I made no doubt, would rise to oppose my systems; but then I was prepared to oppose the whole learned world.

Like the porcupine I sat self-collected, with a quill pointed against every opposer.

”

Big with these reflections, I sat down, and finding that the best things remained to be said on the wrong side, I resolved to write a book that should be wholly new. I therefore dressed up three paradoxes with some ingenuity.

They were false, indeed, but they were new.

The jewels of truth have been so often imported by others, that nothing was left for me to import but some splendid things that at a distance looked every bit as well.

but it was impossible to make ourselves mutually understood. It was not till this very moment I recollected, that in order to teach Dutchmen English, it was necessary that they should first teach me Dutch.

How I came to overlook so obvious an objection, is to me amazing; but certain it is I overlooked it.

“This scheme thus blown up, I had some thoughts of fairly shipping back to England again;

however, after seeing her provided with a decent apartment, and having ordered the hostess to prepare proper refreshments, I kissed her, and proceeded towards home. And now my heart caught new sensations of pleasure the nearer I approached that peaceful mansion.

As a bird that had been frighted from its nest, my affections out-went my haste, and hovered round my little fireside, with all the rapture of expectation.

I called up the many fond things I had to say, and anticipated the welcome I was to receive. I already felt my wife’s tender embrace, and smiled at the joy of my little ones. As I walked but slowly, the night wained apace.

If we live harmoniously together, we may yet be contented, as there are enough of us to shut out the censuring world, and keep each other in countenance. The kindness of heaven is promised to the penitent, and let ours be directed by the example.

Heaven, we are assured, is much more pleased to view a repentant sinner, than ninety-nine persons who have supported a course of undeviating rectitude.

And this is right; for that single effort by which we stop short in the downhill path to perdition, is itself a greater exertion of virtue, than an hundred acts of justice.”

O, my children, if you could but learn to commune with your own hearts, and know what noble company you can make them, you would little regard the elegance and splendours of the worthless.

Almost all men have been taught to call life a passage, and themselves the travellers.

The similitude still may be improved when we observe that the good are joyful and serene, like travellers that are going towards home; the wicked but by intervals happy, like travellers that are going into exile.”

Almost all men have been taught to call life a passage, and themselves the travellers.

The similitude still may be improved when we observe that the good are joyful and serene, like travellers that are going towards home; the wicked but by intervals happy, like travellers that are going into exile.

”

as to your marriage with any but my daughter, that I never will consent to; and though your friendship could raise me to a throne, or your resentment sink me to the grave, yet would I despise both.

Thou hast once woefully, irreparably, deceived me. I reposed my heart upon thine honour, and have found its baseness.

Never more, therefore, expect friendship from me. Go, and possess what fortune has given thee, beauty, riches, health, and pleasure. Go, and leave me to want, infamy, disease, and sorrow.

I reposed my heart upon thine honour, and have found its baseness. Never more, therefore, expect friendship from me. Go, and possess what fortune has given thee, beauty, riches, health, and pleasure. Go, and leave me to want, infamy, disease, and sorrow.

Yet humbled as I am, shall my heart still vindicate its dignity, and though thou hast my forgiveness, thou shalt ever have my contempt.

”

But as to myself, I disregarded the utmost stretch of his malevolence: he had already struck the blow, and now I stood prepared to repel every new effort.

Like one of those instruments used in the art of war, which, however thrown, still presents a point to receive the enemy.

We soon, however, found that he had not threatened in vain; for the very next morning his steward came to demand my annual rent, which, by the train of accidents already related, I was unable to pay.

I thanked him, and could not avoid being surprised at the present youthful change in his aspect; for at the time I had seen him before he appeared at least sixty.—“Sir,” answered he, “you are little acquainted with the world;

I had at that time false hair, and have learned the art of counterfeiting every age from seventeen to seventy.

Ah sir, had I but bestowed half the pains in learning a trade, that I have in learning to be a scoundrel, I might have been a rich man at this day.

for at the time I had seen him before he appeared at least sixty.—“Sir,” answered he, “you are little acquainted with the world; I had at that time false hair, and have learned the art of counterfeiting every age from seventeen to seventy.

Ah sir, had I but bestowed half the pains in learning a trade, that I have in learning to be a scoundrel, I might have been a rich man at this day.

But rogue as I am, still I may be your friend, and that perhaps when you least expect it.”

“Well,” cried I, “my good boys, how do you like your bed? I hope you are not afraid to lie in this room, dark as it appears.”

“No, papa,” says Dick, “I am not afraid to lie anywhere where you are.”

“And I,” says Bill, who was yet but four years old, “love every place best that my papa is in.”

“No, papa,” says Dick, “I am not afraid to lie anywhere where you are.”

“And I,” says Bill, who was yet but four years old, “love every place best that my papa is in.”

After this, I allotted to each of the family what they were to do. My daughter was particularly directed to watch her declining sister’s health; my wife was to attend me; my little boys were to read to me:

“If used ill in our dealings with one man, we naturally go elsewhere. Were it not worth your while then, just to try how you may like the usage of another master, who gives you fair promises at least to come to him.

Surely, my friends, of all stupidity in the world, his must be greatest, who, after robbing an house, runs to the thieftakers for protection.

And yet how are you more wise? You are all seeking comfort from one that has already betrayed you, applying to a more malicious being than any thieftaker of them all; for they only decoy, and then hang you;

“A comfort, Mr. Jenkinson,” replied I, “yes it is indeed a comfort, and

I would not be without them for all the world; for they can make a dungeon seem a palace.

There is but one way in this life of wounding my happiness, and that is by injuring them.”

“Not much of either,” returned Mr. Jenkinson. “Those relations which describe the tricks and vices only of mankind, by increasing our suspicion in life, retard our success.

The traveller that distrusts every person he meets, and turns back upon the appearance of every man that looks like a robber, seldom arrives in time at his journey’s end.

“Indeed I think from my own experience, that the knowing one is the silliest fellow under the sun. I was thought cunning from my very childhood; when but seven years old the ladies would say that I was a perfect little man;

“

Indeed I think from my own experience, that the knowing one is the silliest fellow under the sun.

I was thought cunning from my very childhood; when but seven years old the ladies would say that I was a perfect little man; at fourteen I knew the world, cocked my hat, and loved the ladies;

“I used often to laugh at your honest simple neighbour Flamborough, and one way or another generally cheated him once a year.

Yet still the honest man went forward without suspicion, and grew rich, while I still continued tricksy and cunning, and was poor, without the consolation of being honest.

“However,” continued he, “let me know your case, and what has brought you here; perhaps though I have not skill to avoid a gaol myself, I may extricate my friends.”

It was now that I applauded my perseverance and address, at thus giving sensibility to wretches divested of every moral feeling, and now began to think of doing them temporal services also, by rendering their situation somewhat more comfortable.

Their time had hitherto been divided between famine and excess, tumultous riot and bitter repining.

Their only employment was quarrelling among each other, playing at cribbage, and cutting tobacco stoppers.

Our Saxon ancestors, fierce as they were in war, had but few executions in times of peace; and in all commencing governments that have the print of nature still strong upon them, scarce any crime is held capital.

It is among the citizens of a refined community that penal laws, which are in the hands of the rich, are laid upon the poor.

Government, while it grows older, seems to acquire the moroseness of age;

Thus do these consolations destroy each other; for if life is a place of comfort, its shortness must be misery, and if it be long, our griefs are protracted.

Thus philosophy is weak; but religion comforts in an higher strain.

Man is here, it tells us, fitting up his mind, and preparing it for another abode.

But providence is in another respect kinder to the poor than the rich; for as it thus makes the life after death more desirable, so it smooths the passage there.

The wretched have had a long familiarity with every face of terror.

The man of sorrow lays himself quietly down, without possessions to regret, and but few ties to stop his departure: he feels only nature’s pang in the final separation, and this is no way greater than he has often fainted under before;

Let the philosopher from his couch of softness tell us that we can resist all these. Alas! the effort by which we resist them is still the greatest pain!

Death is slight, and any man may sustain it; but torments are dreadful, and these no man can endure.

To us then, my friends, the promises of happiness in heaven should be peculiarly dear; for if our reward be in this life alone, we are then indeed of all men the most miserable.

Never before had I seen anything so truly majestic as the air he assumed upon this occasion.

The greatest object in the universe, says a certain philosopher, is a good man struggling with adversity; yet there is still a greater, which is the good man that comes to relieve it.

After he had regarded my son for some time with a superior air, “I again find,” said he, “unthinking boy, that the same crime—” But here he was interrupted by one of the gaoler’s servants, who came to inform us that a person of distinction, …

“Yes, please your honour,” cried the butler, “a thousand times: he was the man that always brought him his ladies.”—“How,” interrupted young Mr. Thornhill, “this to my face!”—“Yes,” replied the butler, “or to any man’s face.

To tell you a truth, Master Thornhill, I never either loved you or liked you, and I don’t care if I tell you now a piece of my mind.

”—“Now then,” cried Jenkinson, “tell his honour whether you know anything of me.”—“I can’t say,” replied the butler, “that I know much good of you.

Nor can I go on, without a reflection on those accidental meetings, which, though they happen every day, seldom excite our surprise but upon some extraordinary occasion. To what a fortuitous concurrence do we not owe every pleasure and convenience of our lives.

How many seeming accidents must unite before we can be clothed or fed.

The peasant must be disposed to labour, the shower must fall, the wind fill the merchant’s sail, or numbers must want the usual supply.