The Secret of Chimneys quotes

Mr. and Mrs. Caldicott sailed off triumphantly to the hotel, the lady’s back complacent with successful forethought.

“Oh, Lord,” muttered Anthony, “what a lot of funny people it does take to make a world.”

He marshalled the rest of the party in the direction of the café. Miss Taylor kept by his side, and resumed her catechism.

“

Well, everyone his own hobby. Mine’s rows, yours is gold.

”

“Only what everyone knows. It’s one of the Balkan States, isn’t it? Principal rivers, unknown. Principal mountains, also unknown, but fairly numerous. Capital, Ekarest.

Population, chiefly brigands. Hobby, assassinating kings and having revolutions.

Last king, Nicholas IV. Assassinated about seven years ago. Since then it’s been a republic. Altogether a very likely spot. You might have mentioned before that Herzoslovakia came into it.”

“Now you’re talking,” said Anthony. “Many people who have never heard of Herzoslovakia would brighten at the mention of Count Stylptitch. The Grand Old Man of the Balkans. The Greatest Statesman of Modern Times.

The biggest villain unhung. The point of view all depends on which newspaper you take in.

But be sure of this, Count Stylptitch will be remembered long after you and I are dust and ashes, James. Every move and counter move in the Near East for the last twenty years has had Count Stylptitch at the bottom of it.

Let us get back to Count Stylptitch. From France to England via Africa seems a bit thick even for a diplomatic personage. If he merely wanted to ensure that you should get a thousand pounds he could have left it you in his will.

Thank God neither you nor I are too proud to accept a legacy!

Stylptitch must have been balmy.”

“I just wondered, that’s all. You know a lot of trouble has been caused by memoirs. Indiscreet revelations, that sort of thing.

People who have been closed as an oyster all their lives seem positively to relish causing trouble when they themselves shall be comfortably dead.

It gives them a kind of malicious glee. Jimmy, what sort of a man was Count Stylptitch? You met him and talked to him, and you’re a pretty good judge of raw human nature. Could you imagine him being a vindictive old devil?”

“No, Jimmy.

Kings are for life. Presidents only take on the job for four years or so.

It would quite amuse me to govern a kingdom like Herzoslovakia for four years.”

Henry had done that kind of thing magnificently. What Lord Caterham objected to was the assumption that he was bound to follow in his brother’s footsteps, and that Chimneys was a national possession rather than a private country house.

There was nothing that bored Lord Caterham more than politics⁠—unless it was politicians.

Hence his impatience under the continued eloquence of George Lomax. A robust man, George Lomax, inclined to embonpoint, with a red face and protuberant eyes, and an immense sense of his own importance.

There was nothing that bored Lord Caterham more than politics—unless it was politicians. Hence his impatience under the continued eloquence of George Lomax.

A robust man, George Lomax, inclined to embonpoint, with a red face and protuberant eyes, and an immense sense of his own importance.

“You see the point, Caterham? We can’t—we simply can’t afford a scandal of any kind just now. The position is one of the utmost delicacy.”

He dived into a taxi.

As far as it is possible for one upright Christian gentleman to dislike another upright Christian gentleman, Lord Caterham disliked the Hon. George Lomax.

He disliked his puffy red face, his heavy breathing, and his prominent blue eyes. He thought of the coming week and sighed. A nuisance, an abominable nuisance. Then he thought of Virginia Revel and cheered up a little.

Bill looked up at the face that was laughing down on him, and which was always inclined to reduce him—and not him alone—to a state of babbling incoherency. He took the stairs two at a time and clasped Virginia Revel’s outstretched hands tightly in his.

Charm is a very peculiar thing; hundreds of young women, some of them more beautiful than Virginia Revel, might have said “Hullo, Bill,” with exactly the same intonation, and yet have produced no effect whatever.

But those two simple words, uttered by Virginia, had the most intoxicating effect upon Bill.

It was a wonderfully expressive face, and there was a sort of radiant vitality about her that always challenged attention.

It would have been quite impossible ever to ignore Virginia Revel.

She drew Bill into the small drawing-room which was all pale and mauve and green and yellow, like crocuses surprised in a meadow.

“

Oh, because it gives one such a noble feeling to suffer for one’s silhouette.

But don’t let’s talk about my hip band. Give me George’s message.”

“

I know, Bill, I know. And I simply love being loved.

Isn’t it wicked and dreadful of me? I should like every nice man in the world to be in love with me.”

“For the moment I’ll leave it to chance,” he said. “Something usually turns up.”

The luck of the Anthony Cades of this world is perhaps in some measure due to their own belief in it.

Anthony found what he was after not half an hour later, when he was turning over the pages of an illustrated paper. It was a representation of some tableau organized by the Duchess of Perth.

“

As such you will doubtless find it easier to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, or so I have always heard.

”

“Several reasons. To begin with he was doing it so beautifully—blackmailing me, I mean—

I hate to interrupt an artist when he’s doing his job really well.

And then, you see, I’d never been blackmailed—”

Now, though he doesn’t know it, he’s up against a tough proposition. Starting with the great advantage of having led a blameless life, I shall toy with him to his undoing—as they say in books.

Guile, George, lots of guile.

”

“

Come down in the world entirely through my own incapacity to stick to regular work. This isn’t regular work you’re offering me, I hope?

”

“I am clever,” said the young man modestly. “

But, mind you, very few people would understand that point of view. Most people, you see, haven’t got any imagination.

”

“And now to view the body,” he said briskly. “But I’ll tell you this—on the whole it’s always best to tell the truth.

One lie involves you in such a lot of lies⁠—and continuous lying is so monotonous.

”

“A very clever way of disposing of the pistol,” said Anthony to himself with some approval. “

Everybody hunts about on the ground, and drags ponds. But there are very few people in England who could climb that tree.

”

It made the murder seem less real.

Foreigners, Johnson felt, were liable to be shot.

“His lordship’s in a rare taking,” continued the inspector. “We’ll get hold of Dr. Cartwright and take him up with us right away. I hope to goodness no one will get messing with those footprints.”

They were received at the door by a white-headed butler whose demeanour was perfect.

“We are not accustomed,” it seemed to say, “to having murder committed within these walls. But these are evil days. Let us meet disaster with perfect calm, and pretend with our dying breath that nothing out of the usual has occurred.”

“His lordship,” said the butler, “is expecting you. This way, if you please.”

“Proud of it, too,” remarked her father. “Extraordinarily selfish, these public men. They make their wretched secretaries get up at the most unearthly hours in order to dictate rubbish to them.

If a law was passed compelling them to stop in bed until eleven, what a benefit it would be to the nation!

I wouldn’t mind so much if they didn’t talk such balderdash. Lomax is always talking to me of my ‘position.’ As if I had any. Who wants to be a peer nowadays?”

If a law was passed compelling them to stop in bed until eleven, what a benefit it would be to the nation! I wouldn’t mind so much if they didn’t talk such balderdash.

Lomax is always talking to me of my ‘position.’ As if I had any. Who wants to be a peer nowadays?

”

“

I don’t know what to think. And that’s a very disturbing state of mind.

”

“Ah!” said the superintendent. “

We never know as much as we’d like to know.

But, yes, he was shot here all right. Now you said something about trying the windows, didn’t you?”

“Well, it would be in keeping with their propaganda. But

I’ve always found that those who talk most about blood have never actually seen it run.

I shouldn’t have said the Comrades had the guts myself. And they’re such picturesque people too. I don’t see one of them disguising himself as a suitable guest for a country house. Still, one never knows.”

“It isn’t the thousand pounds so much,” said Anthony, “though I agree with you that it’s a nice sum of money.

It’s being done that maddens me. I handed over that manuscript like a little woolly lamb.

It hurts, superintendent, indeed it hurts.”

“One can’t help listening to George,” said Virginia. “He always holds you so that you can’t get away.

I’m thinking of patenting a detachable lapel.

”

“You and Mr. Lomax, not to mention the Loyalist party of Herzoslovakia.

If you’ll pardon the expression, sir, you’re in the soup.

”

“Not at all. I don’t know anything about your moral character.

You might have a lover, and you might write to him. But you’d never lie down to be blackmailed.

The Virginia Revel of those letters was scared stiff. You’d have fought.”

said Bundle. “You intrigue me greatly. Let me see—yes—that’s Mademoiselle Brun’s room. The French governess. She endeavours to keep my young sisters in order. Dulcie and Daisy—like the song, you know. I dare say they’d have called the next one, Dorothy May.

But mother got tired of having nothing but girls and died. Thought someone else could take on the job of providing an heir.

”

“You are too kind, Baron,” murmured Anthony. “

I’ve never been called a gentleman so often as I have in the last forty-eight hours.

”

Anthony regained the terrace with the feeling uppermost in his mind that the only safe place for private conversations was the middle of the lake.

The resonant boom of a gong sounded from the house, and Tredwell appeared in a stately fashion from a side door.

“I needed that,” said Lord Caterham with a sigh, as he replaced his glass on the table. “As I said just now,

I find talking to foreigners particularly fatiguing. I think it’s because they’re so polite.

Come along. Let’s have some lunch.”

“

Member of the aristocracy joins in secret the Comrades of the Red Hand. It would create a sensation all right.

”

“

I do not ask for money. I served my master. So will I serve you⁠—to the death!

”

“I like your pyjamas, Bill,” said Virginia dreamily. “

Brightness without vulgarity.

”

“Very sensible of you,” said Lord Caterham. “

Damned chilly things, pyjamas.

”

Tredwell prepared to depart, then paused.

The desire to be the first to impart news makes even pontifical butlers human.

“Perhaps you have heard, sir, of what occurred last night?”

“

‘Never display emotion.’ That was a rule that was given to me once, and I’ve found it very useful.

”

“It might, by a jury,” agreed Battle. “

Juries never have any imagination.

”

“Well, you see, Mr. Cade, most of my work has lain amongst these people. What they call the upper classes, I mean. You see, the majority of people are always wondering what the neighbours will think.

But tramps and aristocrats don’t⁠—they just do the first thing that comes into their heads, and they don’t bother to think what anyone thinks of them.

I’m not meaning just the idle rich, the people who give big parties, and so on, I mean those that have had it born and bred in them for generations that nobody else’s opinion counts but their own.

I’m not meaning just the idle rich, the people who give big parties, and so on, I mean those that have had it born and bred in them for generations that nobody else’s opinion counts but their own.

I’ve always found the upper classes the same⁠—fearless, truthful and sometimes extraordinarily foolish.

”

“

They encourage the universal idea that the police are stupid. When we get an amateur crime, such as a murder, that’s very useful indeed.

”

“Yes, he buttonholed me in the hall.

I do think the hours before breakfast should be sacred.

I shall have to go abroad. The strain on my nerves—”

“It’s all right,” said Bundle. “I’m not going to bring politics into the house.

That’s what George does⁠—public speaking in private life. It ought to be abolished by Act of Parliament.

”

“I don’t think it would be any good,” said Lord Caterham mournfully. “Although she did call me a darling last night.

But that’s the worst of these attractive young women with affectionate dispositions. They’ll say anything, and they mean absolutely nothing by it.

”

“Not this morning, Bill. I’m not strong enough.

Anyway, I’ve always told you the best people don’t propose before lunch.

”

“Listen to me, Bill. Proposing to me is your idée fixe.

All men propose when they’re bored and can’t think of anything to say.

Remember my age and my widowed state, and go and make love to a pure young girl.”

“Because he acts like one,” said Anthony, answering the last question first. “

He must have been a retriever in his last incarnation, I think.

He’s just brought me a piece of a letter which he says the foreign gentleman dropped. I suppose he means Lemoine.”

“There are some people,” said Anthony, breaking the silence, “who don’t conform to the signals. An ordinary well-regulated locomotive slows down or pulls up when it sees the red light hoisted against it.

Perhaps I was born colourblind. When I see the red signal⁠—I can’t help forging ahead.

And in the end, you know, that spells disaster. Bound to. And quite right really. That sort of thing is bad for traffic generally.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.

Marriage, the kind of marriage I mean, would be the biggest adventure of the lot.

”

“There’s always a way out,” said Anthony gloomily. “I’ve a theory that one can always get anything one wants if one will pay the price. And do you know what the price is, nine times out of ten? Compromise.

A beastly thing, compromise, but it steals upon you as you near middle age.

It’s stealing upon me now. To get the woman I want I’d—I’d even take up regular work.”

“There’s always a way out,” said Anthony gloomily. “

I’ve a theory that one can always get anything one wants if one will pay the price. And do you know what the price is, nine times out of ten? Compromise.

A beastly thing, compromise, but it steals upon you as you near middle age. It’s stealing upon me now. To get the woman I want I’d—I’d even take up regular work.”

“Lord no. It’s the red signal again. When I first saw you—that day in Pont Street, I knew I was up against something that was going to hurt like fun. Your face did that to me—just your face.

There’s magic in you from head to foot⁠—some women are like that, but I’ve never known a woman who had so much of it as you have.

You’ll marry someone respectable and prosperous, I suppose, and I shall return to my disreputable life, but I’ll kiss you once before I go—I swear I will.”

“Is it one of George’s closely guarded secrets?” asked Bundle. “How perfectly screaming! I never really thought it was true.

George always was an ass⁠—he must know that servants always know everything.

”

“I will be quite frank.

With me, King Victor is an obsession. I see him everywhere.

At this moment even I ask myself—this man who is talking to me, this M. Cade, is he, perhaps, King Victor?”

“Virginia’s got brains,” she remarked abruptly. “

She’s always talking nonsense, but she’s got brains all right.

She was frightfully good out in Herzoslovakia, I believe. If Tim Revel had lived he’d have had a fine career—and mostly owing to Virginia. She worked for him tooth and nail. She did everything in the world she could for him—and I know why, too.”

Girls believe these things—or used to—we’ve advanced a lot in the last eight years. Virginia was carried away by the feeling she thought she’d inspired. She married him—and she was an angel to him always.

She wouldn’t have been half as much of an angel if she’d loved him.

There’s a lot of the devil in Virginia. But I can tell you one thing—she enjoys her freedom. And anyone will have a hard time persuading her to give it up.”

“I shouldn’t recommend driving with you as a tonic for nervous old ladies, but personally I’ve enjoyed it.

The last time I was in equal danger was when I was charged by a herd of wild elephants.

”

“

I don’t think men are really very brave,

” said Bundle.

“I dare say,” he continued, “that I am old-fashioned and unreasonable. It’s the fashion, I know, to pop in and out of a house.

Same idea as an hotel⁠—perfect freedom of action, and no bill at the end!

”

“Nothing more, nothing more,” Lord Caterham assured them hastily. “That’s not it at all. It’s the principle of the thing. It gives one such a restless feeling. I’m quite willing to admit that it’s been an almost ideal twenty-four hours.

Peace⁠—perfect peace. No burglaries or other crimes of violence, no detectives, no Americans.

What I complain of is that I should have enjoyed it all so much more if I’d felt really secure. As it is, all the time I’ve been saying to myself, ‘One or other of them is bound to turn up in a minute.’

“

I shouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t learnt to know whether a man is speaking the truth or not,

” he replied simply. “What terms do you want?”

“

I never deny anything that amuses me,

” he said lightly. “But the accusation is really too ridiculous.”