The Man in the Brown Suit quotes

“Or any other business man,” finished Nadina. “It should not surprise us. That is what the Colonel has always been—an excellent man of business.

He has organized crime as another man might organize a boot factory.

Without committing himself, he has planned and directed a series of stupendous coups, embracing every branch of what we might call his ‘profession.’ Jewel robberies, forgery, espionage (the latter very profitable in wartime), sabotage, discreet assassination, there is hardly anything he has not touched.

“I am quite sure of him. He is inefficient, but perfectly trustworthy.” She paused, and then added in an indifferent tone of voice: “

As a matter of fact, he happens to be my husband.

”

I’d always longed for adventures. You see, my life had such a dreadful sameness. My father, Professor Beddingfeld, was one of England’s greatest living authorities on Primitive Man. He really was a genius—everyone admits that.

His mind dwelt in Palaeolithic times, and the inconvenience of life for him was that his body inhabited the modern world.

Papa did not care for modern man—even Neolithic Man he despised as a mere herder of cattle, and he did not rise to enthusiasm until he reached the Mousterian period.

All Papa’s friends were aged professors—usually with long beards. It is true that Professor Peterson once clasped me affectionately and said I had a “neat little waist” and then tried to kiss me. The phrase alone dated him hopelessly.

No self-respecting female has had a “neat little waist” since I was in my cradle.

I yearned for adventure, for love, for romance, and I seemed condemned to an existence of drab utility.

It is true that Professor Peterson once clasped me affectionately and said I had a “neat little waist” and then tried to kiss me. The phrase alone dated him hopelessly. No self-respecting female has had a “neat little waist” since I was in my cradle.

I yearned for adventure, for love, for romance, and I seemed condemned to an existence of drab utility.

The village possessed a lending library, full of tattered works of fiction, and I enjoyed perils and lovemaking at second hand, and went to sleep dreaming of stern, silent Rhodesians, and of strong men who always “felled their opponent with a single blow.”

I used to come out with my head in a delirious whirl—and then I would get home and find a notice from the gas company threatening to cut us off if the outstanding account was not paid!

And yet, though I did not suspect it, every moment was bringing adventure nearer to me.

It is possible that there are many people in the world who have never heard of the finding of an antique skull at the Broken Hill Mine in Northern Rhodesia. I came down one morning to find Papa excited to the point of apoplexy.

“My wife will be delighted to welcome you.”

I wonder if husbands know as much about their wives as they think they do. If I had a husband, I should hate him to bring home orphans without consulting me first.

“We will send her a wire from the station,” continued the lawyer.

“I agree with you! She is certainly very good-looking.”

It is really a very hard life. Men will not be nice to you if you are not good-looking, and women will not be nice to you if you are.

With a deep sigh I proceeded to do things to my hair. I have nice hair. It is black—a real black, not dark brown, and it grows well back from my forehead and down over the ears. With a ruthless hand I dragged it upwards.

“Anna the Adventuress,” I said aloud, nodding at my reflection. “Anna the Adventuress. Episode I, ‘The House in Kensington’!”

Girls are foolish things.

As yet, I had not been successful in finding a post. Not that I really wanted one! I had the firm conviction that, if I went about looking for adventure, adventure would meet me halfway.

It is a theory of mine that one always gets what one wants.

My theory was about to be proved in practice.

I wavered between injured dignity and the overwhelming desire to express my theories.

Injured dignity went to the wall.

“You said at the inquest you were positive it wasn’t suicide?”

I observed with pleasure that Inspector Meadow’s pen wavered.

It was clear that he did not know how to spell brachycephalic.

I had had a half-formed plan in my head when I went into Scotland Yard. One to be carried out if my interview there was unsatisfactory (it had been profoundly unsatisfactory). That is, if I had the nerve to go through with it.

Things that one would shrink from attempting normally are easily tackled in a flush of anger.

Without giving myself time to reflect, I walked straight to the house of Lord Nasby.

I had removed the card, cleaned it carefully with breadcrumbs, and pencilled upon it the words: “Please give Miss Beddingfeld a few moments of your time.”

Adventuresses must not be too scrupulous in their methods.

The thing worked. A powdered footman received the card and bore it away. Presently a pale secretary appeared. I fenced with him successfully. He retired defeated. He again reappeared and begged me to follow him. I did so.

It is an extraordinary thing that I never seem to get any peace. I am a man who likes a quiet life. I like my club, my rubber of bridge, a well-cooked meal, a sound wine.

I like England in the summer, and the Riviera in the winter.

I have no desire to participate in sensational happenings. Sometimes, in front of a good fire, I do not object to reading about them in the newspaper. But that is as far as I am willing to go.

I have no desire to participate in sensational happenings. Sometimes, in front of a good fire, I do not object to reading about them in the newspaper. But that is as far as I am willing to go.

My object in life is to be thoroughly comfortable.

I have devoted a certain amount of thought, and a considerable amount of money, to further that end. But I cannot say that I always succeed.

But you cannot very well dismiss a secretary because he prefers work to play, likes getting up early in the morning, and has positively no vices. The only amusing thing about the fellow is his face.

He has the face of a fourteenth-century poisoner⁠—the sort of man the Borgias got to do their odd jobs for them.

I wouldn’t mind so much if Pagett didn’t make me work too. My idea of work is something that should be undertaken lightly and airily—trifled with, in fact! I doubt if Guy Pagett has ever trifled with anything in his life. He takes everything seriously.

It is most undignified for a heroine to be seasick.

In books the more it rolls and tosses, the better she likes it. When everybody else is ill, she alone staggers along the deck, braving the elements and positively rejoicing in the storm.

“I’m sorry to have to dispute the matter,” said Chichester with a meek smile which failed to mask his determination to get his own way.

Meek men are always obstinate, I have noticed.

He edged himself sideways into the doorway.

So long as I did not have 13 it was immaterial to me what other cabin I had. But my blood was up. I had not the least intention of being the first to give way. And I disliked Chichester.

He had false teeth which clicked when he ate. Many men have been hated for less.

We all said the same things over again. The steward assured us, even more strongly, that both the other cabins were better cabins. None of us paid any attention to him.

“Oh, please,” I said, “you did say I could have cabin 17? And the others won’t go away. Mr. Chichester and Mr. Pagett. You will let me have it, won’t you?”

I always say that there are no people like sailors for being nice to women.

My little purser came to the scratch splendidly. He strode to the scene, informed the disputants that no. 17 was my cabin, they could have nos. 13 and 28 respectively or stay where they were—whichever they chose.

“

If you want a thing broadcasted, tell a woman. Otherwise keep your mouth shut.

”

“I’m sorry the captain didn’t turn out for you this time,” I said sarcastically. “Perhaps you’d like to dump some of your extra luggage in my cabin?”

Sarcasm is dangerous with a man like Pagett.

He brightened up at once.

“You must have had a very interesting life, Colonel Race?” said Miss Beddingfeld, gazing at him with wide, starry eyes.

That’s how they do it, these girls! Othello charmed Desdemona by telling her stories, but, oh, didn’t Desdemona charm Othello by the way she listened?

Anyway, the girl set Race off all right. He began to tell lion stories. A man who has shot lions in large quantities has an unfair advantage over other men. It seemed to me that it was time I, too, told a lion story.

Anyway, the girl set Race off all right. He began to tell lion stories.

A man who has shot lions in large quantities has an unfair advantage over other men.

It seemed to me that it was time I, too, told a lion story. One of a more sprightly character.

“We do have a pull,” murmured Suzanne complacently. “And everybody knows that I am absolutely devoted to Clarence—my husband, you know.

It’s so safe and pleasant to make love to a devoted wife.

”

But let us go on with our matchmaking. I’m sure Colonel Race is very attracted to you, Anne. Give him a couple of glances from those wicked eyes of yours, and the deed is done.

Everyone gets engaged on board ship. There’s nothing else to do.

”

“

You lie very well, gipsy girl.

But it will save time and trouble now if you tell me all about it.”

“I suppose I shall have to tell you,” I said slowly. “I’m not ashamed of it. You can’t be ashamed of something that just—happens to you. That’s what he did. He was detestable—rude and ungrateful—but that I think I understand.

It’s like a dog that’s been chained up⁠—or badly treated⁠—it’ll bite anybody.

That’s what he was like—bitter and snarling. I don’t know why I care—but I do. I care horribly. Just seeing him has turned my whole life upside down. I love him. I want him.

It’s like a dog that’s been chained up—or badly treated—it’ll bite anybody. That’s what he was like—bitter and snarling. I don’t know why I care—but I do. I care horribly. Just seeing him has turned my whole life upside down.

I love him. I want him. I’ll walk all over Africa barefoot till I find him, and I’ll make him care for me.

I’d die for him. I’d work for him, slave for him, steal for him, even beg or borrow for him! There—now you know!”

“

I also believe that innocent people can be hanged.

”

“You can manage it. You can manage anything.”

“I love butter,” purred Suzanne.

We parted on the understanding that Suzanne should employ her talents to the best advantage.

He gripped my hand hard, just for a minute his curious light eyes seemed to burn into mine, then he turned abruptly and left me. I heard his footsteps ringing along the deck. They echoed and reechoed. I felt that I should hear them always.

Footsteps⁠—going out of my life.

I can admit frankly that I did not enjoy the next two hours. Not till I stood on the wharf, having finished with most of the ridiculous formalities that bureaucracies require, did I breathe freely once more.

Nevertheless, I determined to return on the first possible opportunity and have another go. I would not be beaten. Quite by mistake I then got a good run on my board, and came out delirious with happiness.

Surfing is like that. You are either vigorously cursing or else you are idiotically pleased with yourself.

I found the Villa Medgee after some little difficulty. It was right up on the side of the mountain, isolated from the other cottages and villas. I rang the bell, and a smiling Kafir boy answered it.

He was a tall man, obviously a Dutchman, with a flaming orange beard. He did not look in the least like the curator of a museum. In fact, I realized in a flash that I had made a fool of myself.

I was in the hands of the enemy.

How often had I not sat in the sixpenny seats, eating a twopenny bar of milk chocolate, and yearning for similar things to happen to me. Well, they had happened with a vengeance. And somehow it was not nearly so amusing as I had imagined.

It’s all very well on the screen⁠—you have the comfortable knowledge that there’s bound to be an episode IV.

But in real life there was absolutely no guarantee that Anna the Adventuress might not terminate abruptly at the end of any episode.

Suzanne seemed unconvinced. An hour or two of gagging and binding would have changed her views quickly enough.

Suzanne likes thrills, but she hates being uncomfortable.

“And what are we all doing now?” she asked.

“

Regards it as a personal insult offered him by fate.

”

“Now don’t be an obstinate girl.

Remember, there are lots of lions in Rhodesia. You’ll like lions. All girls do.

”

Undecided what to do, I walked slowly up the left-hand side of the street. I did not trouble to look if my watcher was behind me. I knew he was. I walked into Cartwright’s and ordered two coffee ice-cream sodas—to steady my nerves.

A man, I suppose, would have had a stiff peg; but girls derive a lot of comfort from ice-cream sodas.

I applied myself to the end of the straw with gusto. The cool liquid went trickling down my throat in the most agreeable manner. I pushed the first glass aside empty.

Out of the tail of my eye, I saw my tracker come in and sit down unostentatiously at a little table near the door. I finished the second coffee soda and demanded a maple one.

I can drink practically an unlimited amount of ice-cream sodas.

Suddenly the man by the door got up and went out. That surprised me. If he was going to wait outside, why not wait outside from the beginning. I slipped down from my stool and went cautiously to the door.

The women immediately looked at him in the “what a brave hero you are” manner. It annoyed me intensely.

I am every bit as brave as Race⁠—but I lack the figure.

These long, lean, brown men have it all their own way.

Anyway, Anne Beddingfeld is on his track. She wants the glory of discovering him for herself and the Daily Budget.

Young women are very cold-blooded nowadays.

I hinted to her that it was an unwomanly action. She laughed at me. She assured me that did she run him to earth her fortune was made. Race doesn’t like it, either, I can see. Perhaps Rayburn is on this train.

“Yes, I know what you’re going to say. It’s a sinister face. That’s just it.

No man with a face like that could be really sinister. It must be a colossal joke on the part of Nature.

”

“There must have been giants once,” I said dreamily. “And their children were just like children are today—they played with handfuls of pebbles, piling them up and knocking them down, and the more cleverly they balanced them, the better pleased they were.

If I were to give a name to this place I should call it The Country of Giant Children.

”

“Perhaps you’re nearer the mark than you know,” said Colonel Race gravely. “

Simple, primitive, big⁠—that is Africa.

”

“

I’d sooner be dead than hard,

” I said passionately.

… sight, the great chasm and the rushing waters below, and the veil of mist and spray in front of us that parted every now and then for one brief minute to show the cataract of water and then closed up again in its impenetrable mystery.

That, to my mind, has always been the fascination of the falls⁠—their elusive quality. You always think you’re going to see⁠—and you never do.

We crossed the bridge and walked slowly on by the path that was marked out with white stone on either side and led round the brink of the gorge.

Not a soul comes to this island. I got old Batani, whom I cured of a fever once, to come and look after you. She’s loyal. She’ll never say a word. I could keep you here for months and no one would ever know.”

I could keep you here for months and no one would ever know! How some words please one!

“You did quite right,” I said quietly. “And I shall not send word to anyone. A day or so more anxiety doesn’t make much difference. It’s not as though they were my own people. They’re only acquaintances really—even Suzanne.

“

Lovers always fight,

” I assured him. “Because they don’t understand each other. And by the time they do understand each other they aren’t in love any more.”

“Lovers always fight,” I assured him. “Because they don’t understand each other.

And by the time they do understand each other they aren’t in love any more.

”

His name was Ned—perhaps he had another, but I never heard it. He didn’t seem in the least surprised to see Harry walk in, dripping wet, holding an equally dripping female by the hand.

Men are very wonderful.

He gave us food to eat, and hot coffee, and got our clothes dried for us whilst we rolled ourselves in Manchester blankets of gaudy hue.

(Extract from the diary of Sir Eustace Pedler)

As I remarked once before, I am essentially a man of peace. I yearn for a quiet life⁠—and that’s just the one thing I don’t seem able to have.

I am always in the middle of storms and alarms. The relief of getting away from Pagett with his incessant nosing out of intrigues was enormous, and Miss Pettigrew is certainly a useful creature.

The woman was quite indignant.

And yet everybody knows that nightmares are a direct result of injudicious eating.

“After all,” I continued persuasively, “why shouldn’t Anne Beddingfeld and Race go out for a little stroll without having the whole hotel aroused about it?”

I don’t think I ever really believed in the annihilation of Anne.

There is something peculiarly indestructible about that young woman⁠—she is like the patent balls that one gives to terriers.

She has an extraordinary knack of turning up smiling. I still don’t see why it was necessary for her to walk out of the hotel in the middle of the night in order to get to Kimberley. There was no train, anyway.

I know that Race is supposed to be clever. He is, in my opinion, rather a stupid man.

It never seemed to occur to him that girls do not always tell the truth.

“Kimberley too. What are they doing there?” he muttered.

“God bless my soul!” I interrupted. “I was going into that place myself this afternoon. You might have caught me coming out!”

There doesn’t seem to be any innocent thing that one can do in Jo’burg without being suspected for it.

“Ah! but she has been there more than once—and in rather doubtful circumstances. I may as well tell you—in confidence, Sir Eustace—that the place is suspected of being a well-known rendezvous used by the secret organization behind this revolution.

I gazed at him in a kind of stupor. I might have known, all along, that a man like Pagett couldn’t have a guilty secret.

The respectability of Pagett has always been my bane.

That’s just the kind of secret he would have—a wife and four children.