The Gambler quotes

However ridiculous it may seem to you that I was expecting to win at roulette, I look upon the generally accepted opinion concerning the folly and the grossness of hoping to win at gambling as a thing even more absurd.

For why is gambling a whit worse than any other method of acquiring money?

How, for instance, is it worse than trade? True, out of a hundred persons, only one can win; yet what business is that of yours or of mine?

For why is gambling a whit worse than any other method of acquiring money? How, for instance, is it worse than trade?

True, out of a hundred persons, only one can win; yet what business is that of yours or of mine?

At all events, I confined myself at first simply to looking on, and decided to attempt nothing serious. Indeed, I felt that, if I began to do anything at all, I should do it in an absentminded, haphazard sort of way—of that I felt certain.

In the first place, everything about it seemed to me so foul—so morally mean and foul. Yet I am not speaking of the hungry, restless folk who, by scores nay, even by hundreds—could be seen crowded around the gaming-tables.

For in a desire to win quickly and to win much I can see nothing sordid; I have always applauded the opinion of a certain dead and gone, but cocksure, moralist who replied to the excuse that “one may always gamble moderately,” by saying that to do so makes things worse, since, in that case, the profits too will always be moderate.

Insignificant profits and sumptuous profits do not stand on the same footing. No, it is all a matter of proportion.

… have always applauded the opinion of a certain dead and gone, but cocksure, moralist who replied to the excuse that “one may always gamble moderately,” by saying that to do so makes things worse, since, in that case, the profits too will always be moderate.

Insignificant profits and sumptuous profits do not stand on the same footing.

No, it is all a matter of proportion.

Best of all, he ought to imagine his fellow-gamblers and the rest of the mob which stands trembling over a coin to be equally rich and gentlemanly with himself, and playing solely for recreation and pleasure.

This complete ignorance of the realities, this innocent view of mankind, is what, in my opinion, constitutes the truly aristocratic.

For instance, I have seen even fond mothers so far indulge their guileless, elegant daughters—misses of fifteen or sixteen—as to give them a few gold coins and teach them how to play;

On the other hand, I saw a Frenchman first win, and then lose, 30,000 francs cheerfully, and without a murmur.

Yes; even if a gentleman should lose his whole substance, he must never give way to annoyance.

Money must be so subservient to gentility as never to be worth a thought. Of course, the supremely aristocratic thing is to be entirely oblivious of the mire of rabble, with its setting;

On the other hand, I saw a Frenchman first win, and then lose, 30,000 francs cheerfully, and without a murmur. Yes; even if a gentleman should lose his whole substance, he must never give way to annoyance.

Money must be so subservient to gentility as never to be worth a thought.

Of course, the supremely aristocratic thing is to be entirely oblivious of the mire of rabble, with its setting;

As for my secret moral views, I had no room for them amongst my actual, practical opinions. Let that stand as written:

I am writing only to relieve my conscience.

Yet let me say also this: that from the first I have been consistent in having an intense aversion to any trial of my acts and thoughts by a moral standard. Another standard altogether has directed my life. …

The thought that I was not going to play for myself quite unnerved me. It was an unpleasant sensation, and I tried hard to banish it. I had a feeling that, once I had begun to play for Polina, I should wreck my own fortunes.

Also, I wonder if anyone has ever approached a gaming-table without falling an immediate prey to superstition?

I began by pulling out fifty gülden, and staking them on “even.” The wheel spun and stopped at 13. I had lost!

Lastly, her feet and hands were astonishing, and her voice a deep contralto. Sometimes, when she laughed, she displayed her teeth, but at ordinary times her air was taciturn and haughty—especially in the presence of Polina and Maria Philipovna.

Yet she seemed to me almost destitute of education, and even of wits, though cunning and suspicious.

This, apparently, was not because her life had been lacking in incident. Perhaps, if all were known, the Marquis was not her kinsman at all, nor her mother her mother;

for I felt pretty certain that it would not be long before she herself approached me. For two days, therefore, I devoted my attention to Mlle. Blanche. The poor General was in despair!

To fall in love at fifty-five, and with such vehemence, is indeed a misfortune!

And add to that his widowerhood, his children, his ruined property, his debts, and the woman with whom he had fallen in love! Though Mlle.

Yet clearly she did need some money, and that as soon as possible, and for a special purpose. Well, she promised to explain matters, and I departed. There was a tremendous crowd in the gaming-rooms.

What an arrogant, greedy crowd it was!

I pressed forward towards the middle of the room until I had secured a seat at a croupier’s elbow. Then I began to play in timid fashion, venturing only twenty or thirty gülden at a time. Meanwhile, I observed and took notes.

Then I staked the same amount again, and won: and so on some two or three times. At one moment I must have had in my hands—gathered there within a space of five minutes—about 4,000 gülden.

That, of course, was the proper moment for me to have departed, but there arose in me a strange sensation as of a challenge to Fate⁠—as of a wish to deal her a blow on the cheek, and to put out my tongue at her.

Accordingly I set down the largest stake allowed by the rules—namely, 4,000 gülden—and lost. Fired by this mishap, I pulled out all the money left to me, staked it all on the same venture, and—again lost!

“You must not be angry with me,” I continued, “for making such a proposal. I am so conscious of being only a nonentity in your eyes that you need not mind accepting money from me.

A gift from me could not possibly offend you.

Moreover, it was I who lost your gülden.”

“Or perhaps it is because it is so necessary for you to win.

It is like a drowning man catching at a straw.

You yourself will agree that, unless he were drowning he would not mistake a straw for the trunk of a tree.”

“

Perhaps because one cannot help winning if one is fanatically certain of doing so.

”

“I do not care whether you are so or not,” answered Polina with calm indifference. “Well, since you ask me, I do doubt your ability to take anything seriously.

You are capable of worrying, but not deeply.

You are too ill-regulated and unsettled a person for that. But why do you want money? Not a single one of the reasons which you have given can be looked upon as serious.”

“You talk like a child.

It is always possible to comport oneself with dignity.

If one has a quarrel it ought to elevate rather than to degrade one.”

“You talk like a child. It is always possible to comport oneself with dignity.

If one has a quarrel it ought to elevate rather than to degrade one.

”

“You see, I have lost my manners. I agree that I have none, nor yet any dignity. I will tell you why. I set no store upon such things. Everything in me has undergone a check. You know the reason.

I have not a single human thought in my head.

For a long while I have been ignorant of what is going on in the world—here or in Russia. I have been to Dresden, yet am completely in the dark as to what Dresden is like. You know the cause of my obsession.

“I care not whether it be wise or stupid,” I cried in return. “I only know that in your presence I must speak, speak, speak. Therefore, I am speaking.

I lose all conceit when I am with you, and everything ceases to matter.

”

I can see through you. ‘Of no use,’ did you say? Why, to give pleasure is always of use; and, as for barbarous, unlimited power—even if it be only over a fly—why, it is a kind of luxury.

Man is a despot by nature, and loves to torture.

You, in particular, love to do so.”

Two days have passed since that day of lunacy. What a noise and a fuss and a chattering and an uproar there was! And what a welter of unseemliness and disorder and stupidity and bad manners! And I the cause of it all!

Yet part of the scene was also ridiculous⁠—at all events to myself it was so.

I am not quite sure what was the matter with me—whether I was merely stupefied or whether I purposely broke loose and ran amok. At times my mind seems all confused;

Also, she was short and inordinately stout, while her gross, flabby chin completely concealed her neck. Her face was purple, and the little eyes in it had an impudent, malicious expression.

Yet she walked as though she were conferring a favour upon everybody by so doing.

As for the Baron, he was tall, wizened, bony-faced after the German fashion, spectacled, and, apparently, about forty-five years of age. Also, he had legs which seemed to begin almost at his chest—or, rather, at his chin!

Polina had ordered me merely to take off my hat: the bow and the general effrontery were of my own invention. God knows what instigated me to perpetrate the outrage!

In my frenzy I felt as though I were walking on air.

“Hein!” ejaculated—or, rather, growled—the Baron as he turned towards me in angry surprise.

As a matter of fact, my expenses had never been so large as to alarm me, nor to lead me to quit the hotel; while, moreover, I still had 160 gülden left to me, and—in them—yes, in them, perhaps, riches awaited me.

It was a curious fact, that, though I had not yet won anything at play, I nevertheless acted, thought, and felt as though I were sure, before long, to become wealthy⁠—since I could not imagine myself otherwise.

Next, I bethought me, despite the earliness of the hour, of going to see Mr. Astley, who was staying at the Hôtel de l’Angleterre (a hostelry at no great distance from our own). But suddenly De Griers entered my room.

Astley as, still smoking, he walked by my side. Meanwhile I was reflecting that probably the old lady knew all about the telegrams, and even about De Griers, though little or nothing about Mlle. Blanche. I said as much to Mr. Astley.

But what a frail creature is man!

No sooner was my first surprise abated than I found myself rejoicing in the shock which we were about to administer to the General. So much did the thought inspire me that I marched ahead in the gayest of fashions.

“

How well English people know how to answer one!

” she remarked. “That is why I like them so much better than French. Come here,” she added to Mr. Astley. “I will try not to bore you too much. Polina, translate to him that I am staying in rooms on a lower floor.

“Why not?

All men are crowing cocks, and that is why they quarrel.

You, though, I perceive, are a blockhead—a man who does not even know how to carry his breeding. Lift me up. Potapitch, see to it that you always have two bearers ready. Go and arrange for their hire.

Yet never once did the player throw him a glance as he staked and staked, and raked in his winnings.

Evidently, the player in question was dead to all besides.

For a few minutes the Grandmother watched him.

“How provoking!” she retorted. “Then the young man is done for! I suppose he wishes to be ruined. Yet I could not bear to see him have to return it all.

What a fool the fellow is!

” and the old lady turned sharply away.

“Rubbish, rubbish!

Who fears the wolf should never enter the forest.

What? We have lost? Then stake again.”

“Ah!!!” screamed the old lady as she turned to me in a whirl of triumph.

I myself was at heart a gambler.

At that moment I became acutely conscious both of that fact and of the fact that my hands and knees were shaking, and that the blood was beating in my brain.

“

Never mind, never mind. Give him a gülden.

”

“What else do you suppose?” she retorted. “

Are you going only to sit here, and grow sour, and let me look at you?

”

But the thought of Polina was torture to me. That her fate was settled I already had an inkling; yet that was not the thought which was giving me so much uneasiness. What I really wished for was to penetrate her secrets.

I wanted her to come to me and say, “I love you,” and, if she would not so come, or if to hope that she would ever do so was an unthinkable absurdity⁠—why, then there was nothing else for me to want.

Even now I do not know what I am wanting. I feel like a man who has lost his way.

Even now I do not know what I am wanting. I feel like a man who has lost his way.

I yearn but to be in her presence, and within the circle of her light and splendour⁠—to be there now, and forever, and for the whole of my life.

More I do not know. How can I ever bring myself to leave her?

To think that he should be her confidant! “My friend, mine own familiar friend!” passed through my mind. Yet was there any love in the matter? “Of course not,” reason whispered to me.

But reason goes for little on such occasions.

I felt that the matter must be cleared up, for it was becoming unpleasantly complex.

You yourself have seen her play. Once she has acquired the taste for gambling, she will never leave the roulette-table, but, of sheer perversity and temper, will stake her all, and lose it.

In cases such as hers a gambler can never be torn away from the game; and then⁠—and then⁠—

”

“Never mind.

I cannot rest until I have won back my losses.

Stake!”

Paul de Kock, which I read in German translations obtained from a wretched local library. These works I cannot abide, yet I read them, and find myself marvelling that I should be doing so.

Somehow I seem to be afraid of any serious book⁠—afraid of permitting any serious preoccupation to break the spell of the passing moment.

So dear to me is the formless dream of which I have spoken, so dear to me are the impressions which it has left behind it, that I fear to touch the vision with anything new, lest it should dissolve in smoke.

Again, Potapitch told me that there were three occasions on which she really began to win; but that, led on by false hopes, she was unable to tear herself away at the right moment.

Every gambler knows how a person may sit a day and a night at cards without ever casting a glance to right or to left.

Meanwhile, that day some other very important events were passing in our hotel. As early as eleven o’clock—that is to say, before the Grandmother had quitted her rooms—the General and De Griers decided upon their last stroke.

And I rushed from the room without so much as answering her look of inquiry. She called something after me, but I did not return.

Sometimes it happens that the most insane thought, the most impossible conception, will become so fixed in one’s head that at length one believes the thought or the conception to be reality.

Moreover, if with the thought or the conception there is combined a strong, a passionate, desire, one will come to look upon the said thought or conception as something fated, inevitable, and foreordained—something bound to happen.

Sometimes, this astonishing regularity manifested itself in patches; a thing to upset all the calculations of note—taking gamblers who play with a pencil and a memorandum-book in their hands.

Fortune perpetrates some terrible jests at roulette!

Since my entry not more than half an hour could have elapsed.

Probably this was mostly due to self-conceit, for I wanted to astonish the bystanders with the riskiness of my play. Also, I remember that—oh, strange sensation!—I suddenly, and without any challenge from my own presumption, became obsessed with a desire to take risks.

If the spirit has passed through a great many sensations, possibly it can no longer be sated with them, but grows more excited, and demands more sensations, and stronger and stronger ones, until at length it falls exhausted.

Certainly, if the rules of the game had permitted even of my staking fifty thousand florins at a time, I should have staked them.

but I feared neither pickpockets nor highwaymen. Indeed, never since my boyhood have I done that. Also, I cannot remember what I thought about on the way.

I only felt a sort of fearful pleasure⁠—the pleasure of success, of conquest, of power (how can I best express it?).

Likewise, before me there flitted the image of Polina;

Within a quarter of an hour all three of us were seated in a family compartment—Mlle. Blanche, the Widow de Cominges, and myself. Mlle. kept laughing hysterically as she looked at me, and Madame reechoed her; but I did not feel so cheerful.

My life had broken in two, and yesterday had infected me with a habit of staking my all upon a card.

Although it might be that I had failed to win my stake, that I had lost my senses, that I desired nothing better, I felt that the scene was to be changed only for a time.

Yes, they would never have turned from me as they are doing now! A fig for all of them!

What am I? I am zero⁠—nothing.

What shall I be tomorrow? I may be risen from the dead, and have begun life anew. For still, I may discover the man in myself, if only my manhood has not become utterly shattered.

Yes, they would never have turned from me as they are doing now! A fig for all of them! What am I? I am zero—nothing.

What shall I be tomorrow? I may be risen from the dead, and have begun life anew.

For still, I may discover the man in myself, if only my manhood has not become utterly shattered.

Yes, they would never have turned from me as they are doing now! A fig for all of them! What am I? I am zero—nothing. What shall I be tomorrow? I may be risen from the dead, and have begun life anew.

For still, I may discover the man in myself, if only my manhood has not become utterly shattered.

I went, I say, to Homburg, but afterwards went also to Roulettenberg, as well as to Spa and Baden;

But what is a beggar? A fig for beggary! I have ruined myself—that is all. Nor is there anything with which I can compare myself; there is no moral which it would be of any use for you to read to me.

At the present moment nothing could well be more incongruous than a moral.

Oh, you self-satisfied persons who, in your unctuous pride, are forever ready to mouth your maxims—if only you knew how fully I myself comprehend the sordidness of my present state, you would not trouble to wag your tongues at me!

“Your remarks please me as they always did,” he continued. “In those words I see the clever, triumphant, and, above all things, cynical friend of former days. Only Russians have the faculty of combining within themselves so many opposite qualities.

Yes, most men love to see their best friend in abasement; for generally it is on such abasement that friendship is founded.

All thinking persons know that ancient truth. Yet, on the present occasion, I assure you, I am sincerely glad to see that you are not cast down. Tell me, are you never going to give up gambling?”