The Devil’s Dictionary quotes

One who steals a whole herd of cattle, as distinguished from the inferior actor who steals one animal at a time—a superior stock actor, as it were.

In architecture, the upper part of a column, upon which, in all good architecture, sits the thoughtful stork pondering unutterable things.

An African animal having three horns, two on the head and one on the nape of the neck by which to hang up the carcass after the head has been removed.

In those varieties that are not hunted by man, this third horn is imperfectly developed or wholly wanting.

A certain person who is much in society, but whom one does not meet. A bad one.

To correct an erring friend or admonish a needy one. Of women the word abandoned is used in the sense of indiscreet.

To correct an erring friend or admonish a needy one. Of women the word abandoned is used in the sense of indiscreet.

A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.

Embarrassing circumstances placed outside a fort in order to augment the coy reluctance of the enemy. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.

A religious sect of Africa who practiced the virtues of Abel. They were unfortunate in flourishing contemporaneously with the Cainians, and are now extinct.

Any deviation in another from one’s own habit of thought, not sufficient in itself to constitute insanity.

To encourage in crime, as to aid poverty with pennies.

To encourage in crime, as to aid poverty with pennies.

One of the degrees of disapproval due to what is imperfectly understood.

To treat with merited indifference the landlord’s notification that he has let his house to a party willin’ to pay.

Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

The quality of another’s opinions.

Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize. Considerate persons who will not trouble the lexicographer of the future to describe them.

The quality of another’s opinions.

Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

Considerate persons who will not trouble the lexicographer of the future to describe them.

At war with savages and idiots.

To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.

Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon-shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another author’s ideas that they were “concatenated without abruption.”

Dr. Johnson said of a certain work that the ideas were “concatenated without abruption.” In deference to that great authority we have given the word a place.

To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying relative and miss the return train.

To “move in a mysterious way,” commonly with the property of another. Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond. —Phela Orm

Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereign’s power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance.

A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. Said a man to a crapulent youth: “I thought You a total abstainer, my son.”

Said a man to a crapulent youth: “I thought You a total abstainer, my son.” “So I am, so I am,” said the scapegrace caught— “But not, sir, a bigoted one.” —G. J.

Thoughtfully deferential to one’s overtaxed capacity.

The bait of a bare hook.

Thoughtfully deferential to one’s overtaxed capacity.

The bait of a bare hook.

The argument of an opponent. A belief in which one has not had the misfortune to be instructed. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.

The bait of a bare hook.

The argument of an opponent. A belief in which one has not had the misfortune to be instructed.

A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.

A means, under Providence, of withholding alms from the destitute.

The goal of debate. Abuse of power is the exercise of authority in a manner unpleasant to ourselves.

An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.

An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.

Secured against endemic diseases through having died of one.

To oblige; to lay the foundation of future exactions.

Secured against endemic diseases through having died of one.

To oblige; to lay the foundation of future exactions.

One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty.

The mother of caution. “My accountability, bear in mind,” Said the Grand Vizier: “Yes, yes,” Said the Shah: “I do—’tis the only kind Of ability you possess.” —Joram Tate

To affirm another’s guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.

In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de Joinville.

In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de Joinville.

The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

To confess. Acknowledgement of one another’s faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.

To confess. Acknowledgement of one another’s faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.

A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

Boned wisdom for weak teeth.

A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold.

That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning. Consigned by way of admonition, His soul forever to perdition. —Judibras

Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.

Consigned by way of admonition, His soul forever to perdition. —Judibras

A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.

An American sovereign in his probationary state.

This thing Allegiance, as I suppose, Is a ring fitted in the subject’s nose, Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed To smell the sweetness of the Lord’s anointed. —G. J.

In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

They stood before the altar and supplied The fire themselves in which their fat was fried. In vain the sacrifice!—no god will claim An offering burnt with an unholy flame. —M. P. Nopput

Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood, So pigs to lead the populace are greased good. —Judibras

A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.

The physician’s accomplice, undertaker’s benefactor and grave worm’s provider.

When Jove sent blessings to all men that are, And Mercury conveyed them in a jar, That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth Disease for the apothecary’s health, Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim: “My deadliest drug shall bear my patron’s name!” —G. J.

In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

The echo of a platitude.

An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

The echo of a platitude.

The March fool with another month added to his folly.

An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop. If I were a jolly archbishop, On Fridays I’d eat all the fish up— Salmon and flounders and smelts; On other days everything else. —Jodo Rem

One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.

Formally to detain one accused of unusualness.

God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. —The Unauthorized Version

Formally to detain one accused of unusualness.

God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

—The Unauthorized Version

This is no small distinction. From what has been written about this beast might be compiled a library of great splendor and magnitude, rivalling that of the Shakespearean cult, and that which clusters about the Bible.

It may be said, generally, that all literature is more or less Asinine.

“Hail, holy Ass!” the quiring angels sing; “Priest of Unreason, and of Discords King! Great co-Creator, let Thy glory shine: God made all else, the Mule, the Mule is thine!” —G. J.

It may be said, generally, that all literature is more or less Asinine. “Hail, holy Ass!” the quiring angels sing; “Priest of Unreason, and of Discords King! Great co-Creator, let Thy glory shine: God made all else, the Mule, the Mule is thine!” —G. J.

The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.

The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.

The lake by which the ancients entered the infernal regions. The fact that access to the infernal regions was obtained by a lake is believed by the learned Marcus Ansello Scrutator to have suggested the Christian rite of baptism by immersion.

That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.

To speak of a man as you find him when he can’t find you.

A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty.

But whether the plan of immersion Is better than simple aspersion Let those immersed And those aspersed Decide by the Authorized Version, And by matching their agues tertian. —G. J.

An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others.

Juno afterward restored the reptile’s sight and hid it in a cave. Nothing is so well attested by the ancients as the existence of the basilisk, but the cocks have stopped laying.

The act of walking on wood without exertion.

A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

The hair that is commonly cut off by those who justly execrate the absurd Chinese custom of shaving the head.

The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given. Who is that, father? A mendicant, child, Haggard, morose, and unaffable—wild! See how he glares through the bars of his cell! With Citizen Mendicant all is not well.

Is that all father dear? There’s little to tell: They sent him to jail, and they’ll send him to—well, The company’s better than here we can boast, And there’s— Bread for the needy, dear father? Um—toast. —Atka Mip

One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding. The word seems to be somewhat loosely used in Dr. Jamrach Holobom’s translation of the following lines from the Dies Irae: Recordare, Jesu pie, Quod sum causa tuae viae. Ne me perdas illa die.

Jamrach Holobom’s translation of the following lines from the Dies Irae: Recordare, Jesu pie, Quod sum causa tuae viae. Ne me perdas illa die. Pray remember, sacred Savior, Whose the thoughtless hand that gave your Deathblow. Pardon such behavior.

In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

An order of monks otherwise known as black friars. She thought it a crow, but it turned out to be A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text.

She thought it a crow, but it turned out to be A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text. “Here’s one of an order of cooks,” said she— “Black friars in this world, fried black in the next.” —“The Devil on Earth” (London, 1712)

One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the means of all.

A constellation (Coma Berenices) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband. Her locks an ancient lady gave Her loving husband’s life to save; And men—they honored so the dame— Upon some stars bestowed her name.

A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

The invective of an opponent.

The invective of an opponent.

The first and direst of all disasters.

As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone.

“I need no bondsmen,” he replied, “for I can give you my word of honor.” “And pray what may be the value of that?” inquired the amused Regent. “Monsieur, it is worth its weight in gold.”

A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

The science of vegetables—those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.

The science of vegetables—those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.

Having a nose created in the image of its maker.

In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.

Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it.

A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

When any of his Majesty’s measures of state policy miscarried conspicuously it was gravely announced that several members of the High Council had been beheaded, and his murmuring subjects were appeased.

A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. “What!” said one of his disciples, “you weep at the death of an enemy?”

A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. “What!” said one of his disciples, “you weep at the death of an enemy?” “Ah, ’tis true,” replied the great Stoic;

A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.

An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

The motley worn by Jesters of the Court of Heaven.

The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat. Capital Punishment

A penalty regarding the justice and expediency of which many worthy persons⁠—including all the assassins⁠—entertain grave misgivings.

A mendicant friar of the order of Mount Carmel.

Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, Cogito ergo sum—whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved, however, thus:

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum

—“I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;” as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

The dictum might be improved, however, thus: Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum—“I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;” as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

This is a dog, This is a cat. This is a frog, This is a rat. Run, dog, mew, cat. Jump, frog, gnaw, rat. —Elevenson

A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. This is a dog, This is a cat. This is a frog, This is a rat. Run, dog, mew, cat. Jump, frog, gnaw, rat. —Elevenson

A critic of our own work.

An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stonecutters spell for a wager. The inscriptions following will serve to illustrate the success attained in these Olympian games:

The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth—two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin. I dreamed I stood upon a hill, and, lo!

A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron⁠—namely, that he is a blockhead.

An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarinet—two clarinets.

An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarinet—two clarinets.

A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

One of the nine Muses. Clio’s function was to preside over history—which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other popular speakers.

One of the nine Muses. Clio’s function was to preside over history—which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other popular speakers.

A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.

A busy man complained one day: “I get no time!” “What’s that you say?” Cried out his friend, a lazy quiz; “You have, sir, all the time there is. There’s plenty, too, and don’t you doubt it— We’re never for an hour without it.”

“Closefisted Scotchman!” Johnson cried To thrifty J. Macpherson; “See me—I’m ready to divide With any worthy person.” Sad Jamie: “That is very true— The boast requires no backing; And all are worthy, sir, to you, Who have what you are lacking.” —Anita M. Bobe

A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor’s uneasiness.

The tribute that we pay to achievements that resemble, but do not equal, our own.

A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor’s uneasiness.

The tribute that we pay to achievements that resemble, but do not equal, our own.

A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

The tribute that we pay to achievements that resemble, but do not equal, our own.

A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasites, logically active but fortuitously efficient.

Sons of cupidity, cradled in sin! Your criminal ranks may the death angel thin, Avenging the friend whom I couldn’t work in. —K. Q.

Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

The eloquence of power.

To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by him to C.

One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by him to C.

The civility of envy.

A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by him to C.

A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else. An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him. “Pauillac, 1873,” he murmured and died.

A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him. “Pauillac, 1873,” he murmured and died.

A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else. An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him. “Pauillac, 1873,” he murmured and died.

A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

To seek another’s disapproval of a course already decided on.

The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

To seek another’s disapproval of a course already decided on.

The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the injurious cannonball and the inconsiderate bayonet.

The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the injurious cannonball and the inconsiderate bayonet.

In controversy with the facile tongue— That bloodless warfare of the old and young— So seek your adversary to engage That on himself he shall exhaust his rage, And, like a snake that’s fastened to the ground, With his own fangs inflict the fatal wound.

A place of retirement for woman who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.

A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.

A man who occupies the lowest rung of the military ladder. Fiercely the battle raged and, sad to tell, Our corporal heroically fell! Fame from her height looked down upon the brawl And said: “He hadn’t very far to fall.” —Giacomo Smith

An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

A politician of the seas.

A politician of the seas.

One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

A fool’s substitute for brains.

One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

A fool’s substitute for brains.

A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible. In this small fish I take it that human wisdom is admirably figured and symbolized;

—Sir James Merivale

One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.

A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.

A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.

There is a land of pure delight, Beyond the Jordan’s flood, Where saints, apparelled all in white, Fling back the critic’s mud. And as he legs it through the skies, His pelt a sable hue, He sorrows sore to recognize The missiles that he threw.

This is an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is commonly fatal to the victim. Nevertheless, the liability to a cursing is a risk that cuts but a small figure in fixing the rates of life insurance.

A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic’s eyes to improve his vision.

A high ecclesiastic official of the Roman Catholic Church, whose important function is to brand the Pope’s bulls with the words Datum Romae. He enjoys a princely revenue and the friendship of God.

The time when men of reason go to bed.

Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years;

the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper—the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort. These two kinds of social activity overlap.

Done with the work of breathing; done With all the world; the mad race run Through to the end; the golden goal Attained and found to be a hole! —Squatol Johnes

One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.

An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver. As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him;

One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.

An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver.

As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him;

the leaf, elate, Cried: “I’ve decided to fall straight.” “First thoughts are best?” That’s not the moral; Just choose your own and we’ll not quarrel. Howe’er your choice may chance to fall, You’ll have no hand in it at all. —G. J.

To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

Less conspicuously admirable than one’s ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were striking examples of degeneracy; it required ten of them to raise a rock or a riot that one of the heroes of the Trojan war could have raised with ease.

In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

The act of examining one’s bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.

All hail, Delusion! Were it not for thee The world turned topsy-turvy we should see; For Vice, respectable with cleanly fancies, Would fly abandoned Virtue’s gross advances. —Mumfrey Mappel

A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.

Reliant upon another’s generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

The Master’s hand here dealt a whack Upon the Deputy’s bent back, When straightway to the floor there fell A shrunken globe, a rattling shell A blackened, withered, eyeless head! The man had been a twelvemonth dead. —Jamrach Holobom

A tyrant’s authority for crime and fool’s excuse for failure.

A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

A daily record of that part of one’s life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.

Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ All that he had of wisdom and of wit. So the Recording Angel, when Hearst died, Erased all entries of his own and cried: “I’ll judge you by your diary.” Said Hearst: “Thank you;

The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead—a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.

The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed it advantageous to embrace.

To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

A method of confirming others in their errors.

The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

A method of confirming others in their errors.

The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command. His right to govern me is clear as day, My duty manifest to disobey; And if that fit observance e’er I shut May I and duty be alike undone. —Israfel Brown

To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command. His right to govern me is clear as day, My duty manifest to disobey; And if that fit observance e’er I shut May I and duty be alike undone. —Israfel Brown

To put a clean shirt upon the character.

Let us dissemble. —Adam

To put a clean shirt upon the character. Let us dissemble. —Adam

The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep.

A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep.

A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

The art of nosing out the occult. Divination is of as many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties of the flowering dunce and the early fool.

The intellectual centre of the race is somewhere about Peoria, Illinois, but the New England Dullard is the most shockingly moral.

That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

Sir Lavender Portwine, in favor at court, Was wroth at his master, who’d kissed Lady Port. His anger provoked him to take the king’s head, But duty prevailed, and he took the king’s bread, Instead. —G. J.

As soon as no more of it she could hear The lady, indignant, removed her ear. “I will not stay,” she said, with a pout, “To hear my character lied about!” —Gopete Sherany

A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is placable with an obolus; a severely virtuous censor, but so charitable withal that he tolerates the virtues of others and the vices of himself;

The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other—which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in the pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of a dog.

A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Megaceph, chosen to serve the State In the halls of legislative debate, One day with all his credentials came To the capitol’s door and announced his name. The doorkeeper looked, with a comical twist Of the face, at the eminent egotist, And said:

The most famous English example begins somewhat like this: The cur foretells the knell of parting day; The loafing herd winds slowly o’er the lea; The wise man homeward plods; I only stay To fiddle-faddle in a minor key.

The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

An imaginary delightful country which the ancients foolishly believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the good. This ridiculous and mischievous fable was swept off the face of the earth by the early Christians—may their souls be happy in Heaven!

The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.

Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.

An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military officer from the enemy—that is to say, from the officer of lower rank to whom his death would give promotion.

Following is a touching example: Here lie the bones of Parson Platt, Wise, pious, humble and all that, Who showed us life as all should live it; Let that be said—and God forgive it!

Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

So wide his erudition’s mighty span, He knew Creation’s origin and plan And only came by accident to grief— He thought, poor man, ’twas right to be a thief. —Romach Pute

A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.

Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

A transient, horrible, fantastic dream, Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem: From which we’re wakened by a friendly nudge Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: “O fudge!”

The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

To one who, journeying through night and fog, Is mired neck-deep in an unwholesome bog, Experience, like the rising of the dawn, Reveals the path that he should not have gone. —Joel Frad Bink

He does not say if any of the wounded recovered. In the time of Henry III, of England, a law was made which prescribed the death penalty for “Kyllynge, wowndynge, or mamynge” a fairy, and it was universally respected.

Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Conspicuously miserable. Done to a turn on the iron, behold Him who to be famous aspired. Content? Well, his grill has a plating of gold, And his twistings are greatly admired. —Hassan Brubuddy

Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Conspicuously miserable.

Done to a turn on the iron, behold Him who to be famous aspired. Content? Well, his grill has a plating of gold, And his twistings are greatly admired. —Hassan Brubuddy

Conspicuously miserable. Done to a turn on the iron, behold Him who to be famous aspired. Content? Well, his grill has a plating of gold, And his twistings are greatly admired. —Hassan Brubuddy

A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

A king there was who lost an eye In some excess of passion; And straight his courtiers all did try To follow the new fashion. Each dropped one eyelid when before The throne he ventured, thinking ’Twould please the king.

Nor did he hit the nail upon the head: For reason shows that it could never be, And the facts contradict him to his face. Men are not liars all, for some are dead. —Bartle Quinker

The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection.

An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse’s tail on the entrails of a cat. To Rome said Nero: “If to smoke you turn I shall not cease to fiddle while you burn.” To Nero Rome replied:

The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection.

An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse’s tail on the entrails of a cat.

To Rome said Nero: “If to smoke you turn I shall not cease to fiddle while you burn.” To Nero Rome replied: “Pray do your worst, ’Tis my excuse that you were fiddling first.” —Orm Pludge

… these awful facts in the history of the word, I stand appalled before the mighty problem of its signification, abase my spiritual eyes, fearing to contemplate its portentous magnitude, reverently uncover and humbly refer it to His Eminence Cardinal Gibbons and His Grace Bishop Potter.

A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids—always by a Freemason.

Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul. The sea was calm and the sky was blue; Merrily, merrily sailed we two. (High barometer maketh glad.)

Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

The sea was calm and the sky was blue; Merrily, merrily sailed we two. (High barometer maketh glad.) On the tipsy ship, with a dreadful shout, The tempest descended and we fell out. (O the walking is nasty bad!) —Armit Huff Bettle

The savage dies—they sacrifice a horse To bear to happy hunting-grounds the corse. Our friends expire—we make the money fly In hope their souls will chase it to the sky. —Jex Wopley

That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

Sometimes when a new dean and chapter were installed the old gargoyles were removed and others substituted having a closer relation to the private animosities of the new incumbents.

An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country.

An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

Refined, after the fashion of a gent. Observe with care, my son, the distinction I reveal: A gentleman is gentle and a gent genteel. Heed not the definitions your “Unabridged” presents, For dictionary makers are generally gents. —G. J.

Refined, after the fashion of a gent. Observe with care, my son, the distinction I reveal: A gentleman is gentle and a gent genteel. Heed not the definitions your “Unabridged” presents, For dictionary makers are generally gents. —G. J.

A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.

Habeam, geographer of wide renown, Native of Abu-Keber’s ancient town, In passing thence along the river Zam To the adjacent village of Xelam, Bewildered by the multitude of roads, Got lost, lived long on migratory toads, Then from exposure miserably died, And grateful travelers bewailed …

The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.

The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.

He saw a ghost. It occupied—that dismal thing!— The path that he was following. Before he’d time to stop and fly, An earthquake trifled with the eye That saw a ghost. He fell as fall the early good; Unmoved that awful vision stood.

The citizen whose shape the demon had assumed was so affected by the sinister occurrence that he never again showed himself in Amiens and his fate remains a mystery.

A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

In North-European mythology, a dwarfish imp inhabiting the interior parts of the earth and having special custody of mineral treasures.

But that beast did ensue and the hunter it threw O’er the top of a palm that adjacent grew; And he said as he flew: “It is well I withdrew Ere, losing my temper, I wickedly slew That really meritorious gnu.” —Jarn Leffer

Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him alone.

A bird that supplies quills for writing.

The Gorgon was a maiden bold Who turned to stone the Greeks of old That looked upon her awful brow. We dig them out of ruins now, And swear that workmanship so bad Proves all the ancient sculptors mad.

A physician’s name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.

Three beautiful goddesses, Aglaia, Thalia and Euphrosyne, who attended upon Venus, serving without salary. They were at no expense for board and clothing, for they ate nothing to speak of and dressed according to the weather, wearing whatever breeze happened to be blowing.

Three beautiful goddesses, Aglaia, Thalia and Euphrosyne, who attended upon Venus, serving without salary. They were at no expense for board and clothing, for they ate nothing to speak of and dressed according to the weather, wearing whatever breeze happened to be blowing.

A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet of the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.

Hail noble fruit!—by Homer sung, Anacreon and Khayyam; Thy praise is ever on the tongue Of better men than I am. The lyre in my hand has never swept, The song I cannot offer: My humbler service pray accept— I’ll help to kill the scoffer.

An Oyster fried was understood To say: “I’m great because I’m good!” Each reckons greatness to consist In that in which he heads the list, And Vierick thinks he tops his class Because he is the greatest ass. —Arion Spurl Doke

A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

In his great work on Divergent Lines of Racial Evolution, the learned Professor Brayfugle argues from the prevalence of this gesture—the shrug—among Frenchmen, that they are descended from turtles and it is simply a survival of the habit of retracting the head inside the shell.

A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime.

A shackle for the free.

A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime.

A shackle for the free.

The lower world; the residence of departed spirits; the place where the dead live. Among the ancients the idea of Hades was not synonymous with our Hell, many of the most respectable men of antiquity residing there in a very comfortable kind of way.

… artist of Pest, not only do the Virgin and the Child wear the nimbus, but an ass nibbling hay from the sacred manger is similarly decorated and, to his lasting honor be it said, appears to bear his unaccustomed dignity with a truly saintly grace.

A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody’s pocket.

A small square of silk or linen, used in various ignoble offices about the face and especially serviceable at funerals to conceal the lack of tears. The handkerchief is of recent invention; our ancestors knew nothing of it and entrusted its duties to the sleeve.

In some of the American States his functions are now performed by an electrician, as in New Jersey, where executions by electricity have recently been ordered—the first instance known to this lexicographer of anybody questioning the expediency of hanging Jerseymen.

An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harangue-outang.

An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harangue-outang.

A place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of the customs.

A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harangue-outang.

A place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of the customs.

A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.

There is no definition for this word—nobody knows what hash is.

A young axe, known among Indians as a Thomashawk.

“O bury the hatchet, irascible Red, For peace is a blessing,” the White Man said. The Savage concurred, and that weapon interred, With imposing rites, in the White Man’s head. —John Lukkus

Let Howison urge with perfunctory chin Toleration—that’s all very well, But a roast is “nuts” to his nostril thin, And he’s running—I know by the smell— A secret and personal Hell! —Bissell Gip

A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.

A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.

A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.

A wife, or bitter half.

“Now, why is yer wife called a helpmate, Pat?” Says the priest. “Since the time o’ yer wooin’ She’s niver assisted in what ye were at— For it’s naught ye are ever doin’.”

An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle.

The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.

An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools. Of Roman history, great Niebuhr’s shown ’Tis nine-tenths lying.

The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.

A broad-gauge gossip.

An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools. Of Roman history, great Niebuhr’s shown ’Tis nine-tenths lying.

The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.

An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

Of Roman history, great Niebuhr’s shown ’Tis nine-tenths lying. Faith, I wish ’twere known, Ere we accept great Niebuhr as a guide, Wherein he blundered and how much he lied. —Salder Bupp

the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dickybird is Porcus Rockefelleri. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.

The humorist of the medical profession.

A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

But Slander’s tongue—itself all coated—uttered Her bilious mind and scandalously muttered That in the case of patients having money The pills were sugar and the pukes were honey. —Biography of Bishop Potter

Afflicted with an impediment in one’s reach.

In legislative bodies it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, “the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.”

Afflicted with an impediment in one’s reach. In legislative bodies it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, “the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.”

Desire and expectation rolled into one.

Delicious Hope! when naught to man is left— Of fortune destitute, of friends bereft; When even his dog deserts him, and his goat With tranquil disaffection chews his coat While yet it hangs upon his back;

then thou, The star far-flaming on thine angel brow, Descendest, radiant, from the skies to hint The promise of a clerkship in the Mint. —Fogarty Weffing

The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

A peculiarly sharp and specially applied sense of the earth’s overpopulation. Hostility is classified as active and passive; as (respectively) the feeling of a woman for her female friends, and that which she entertains for all the rest of her sex.

A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus and microbe. House of Correction A place of reward for political and personal service, and for the detention of offenders and appropriations.

A building with a steeple and a mortgage on it.

A pestilent beast kept on domestic premises to insult persons passing by and appal the hardy visitor.

A youngerly person of the opposing sex employed to be variously disagreeable and ingeniously unclean in the station in which it has pleased God to place her.

Having paid all taxes on household goods.

The fruit of a flower called the Palace. Twaddle had a hovel, Twiddle had a palace; Twaddle said: “I’ll grovel Or he’ll think I bear him malice”— A sentiment as novel As a castor on a chalice.

Having paid all taxes on household goods.

The fruit of a flower called the Palace.

Twaddle had a hovel, Twiddle had a palace; Twaddle said: “I’ll grovel Or he’ll think I bear him malice”— A sentiment as novel As a castor on a chalice. Down upon the middle Of his legs fell Twaddle And astonished Mr.

The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old-fashioned sea-captains. It is also used in the construction of the upper decks of steamboats, but generally speaking, the hurricane’s usefulness has outlasted it.

The dispatch of bunglers.

One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old-fashioned sea-captains. It is also used in the construction of the upper decks of steamboats, but generally speaking, the hurricane’s usefulness has outlasted it.

One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.

One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.

A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that.

A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.

A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that.

Depression of one’s own spirits. Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot Where long the village rubbish had been shot Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps— “Hypochondriasis.” It meant The Dumps. —Bogul S. Purvy

A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that.

Depression of one’s own spirits.

Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot Where long the village rubbish had been shot Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps— “Hypochondriasis.” It meant The Dumps. —Bogul S. Purvy

Depression of one’s own spirits. Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot Where long the village rubbish had been shot Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps— “Hypochondriasis.” It meant The Dumps. —Bogul S. Purvy

One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

Its plural is said to be We, but how there can be more than one myself is doubtless clearer to the grammarians than it is to the author of this incomparable dictionary. Conception of two myselves is difficult, but fine.

The frank yet graceful use of “I” distinguishes a good writer from a bad; the latter carries it with the manner of a thief trying to cloak his loot.

A fluid that serves the gods and goddesses in place of blood. Fair Venus, speared by Diomed, Restrained the raging chief and said: “Behold, rash mortal, whom you’ve bled— Your soul’s stained white with ichorshed!” —Mary Doke

He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a deadline.

A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about. Dumble was an ignoramus, Mumble was for learning famous. Mumble said one day to Dumble: “Ignorance should be more humble.

A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

Dumble was an ignoramus, Mumble was for learning famous. Mumble said one day to Dumble: “Ignorance should be more humble. Not a spark have you of knowledge That was got in any college.” Dumble said to Mumble: “Truly You’re self-satisfied unduly.

A sect of Spanish heretics of the latter part of the sixteenth century; so called because they were light weights—cunctationes illuminati.

Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.

A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.

A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.

A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.

An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

Having a strong sense of one’s own merit, coupled with a feeble conception of worth in others. There was once a man in Ispahan Ever and ever so long ago, And he had a head, the phrenologists said, That fitted him for a show.

An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

Having a strong sense of one’s own merit, coupled with a feeble conception of worth in others.

There was once a man in Ispahan Ever and ever so long ago, And he had a head, the phrenologists said, That fitted him for a show.

Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions.

A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.

Your irreverence toward my deity.

A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.

Your irreverence toward my deity.

The act of blessing or consecrating by the laying on of hands—a ceremony common to many ecclesiastical systems, but performed with the frankest sincerity by the sect known as Thieves. “Lo!

When in doubt whether to attack or retreat I never hesitate a moment—I toss up a copper.” “Do you mean to say that’s what you did this time?” “Yes, General; but for Heaven’s sake don’t reprimand me: I disobeyed the coin.”

Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.

“You tiresome man!” cried Indolentio’s wife, “You’ve grown indifferent to all in life.” “Indifferent?” he drawled with a slow smile; “I would be, dear, but it is not worth while.” —Apuleius M. Gokul

Not calculated to advance one’s interests.

The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, “Heaven lies about us.” The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

(Latin.) Among the Greeks and Romans, sacrifices for propitiation of the Dii Manes, or souls of dead heroes;

… charm-sellers, archdeacons, hierarchs, class-leaders, incumbents, capitulars, sheiks, talapoins, postulants, scribes, gurus, precentors, beadles, fakirs, sextons, reverences, revivalists, cenobites, perpetual curates, chaplains, mudjoes, readers, novices, vicars, pastors, rabbis, ulemas, lamas, sacristans, vergers, dervises, lectors, church wardens, cardinals, prioresses, suffragans, acolytes, rectors, curés, sophis, mutifs and pumpums.

In politics, a visionary quo given in exchange for a substantial quid.

One who ventures to believe that Adam need not have sinned unless he had a mind to—in opposition to the Supralapsarians, who hold that that luckless person’s fall was decreed from the beginning.

“Ho!” cried the cynic, “lead me to him straight— With veneration I am overcome, And fain would have his blessing.” “Sad your fate— He cannot bless you, for I grieve to state This man is dumb.” —Ariel Selp

An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight.

A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight.

A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime. The properties of ink are peculiar and contradictory: it may be used to make reputations and unmake them;

“See,” cries the chorus of admiring preachers, “How Providence provides for all His creatures!” “His care,” the gnat said, “even the insects follows: For us He has provided wrens and swallows.” —Sempen Railey

An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

Insurance agent My dear sir, that is a fine house—pray let me insure it. House owner With pleasure.

We offer you an incentive to thrift. Owner The willingness of A to take care of B’s money is not peculiar to insurance, but as a charitable institution you command esteem. Deign to accept its expression from a Deserving Object.

An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection’s failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

The mind’s sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.

The mind’s sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.

One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.

The period during which a monarchical country is governed by a warm spot on the cushion of the throne.

liberty, particularly the liberty to introduce persons to one another without first ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and the pursuit of another’s happiness with a running pack of strangers.”

A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

The principal one of the great faiths of the world.

A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

The principal one of the great faiths of the world.

The patriotism of a Scotchman.

The principal one of the great faiths of the world.

The patriotism of a Scotchman.

Jocolpus Bumer, of the University of Belgrade, who established his conclusions on the subject in a work of three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being reminded that the j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl.

Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

An officer formerly attached to a king’s household, whose business it was to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances, the absurdity being attested by his motley costume.

Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

He willed away his whole estate, And then in death he fell asleep, Murmuring: “Well, at any rate, My name unblemished I shall keep.” But when upon the tomb ’twas wrought Whose was it?—for the dead keep naught. —Durang Gophel Arn

To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

A male person commonly known in America as a “crowned head,” although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of. A king, in times long, long gone by, Said to his lazy jester:

A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

A male person commonly known in America as a “crowned head,” although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.

A king, in times long, long gone by, Said to his lazy jester: “If I were you and you were I My moments merrily would fly— No care nor grief to pester.”

It is a beautiful and edifying “survival”—one which brings the sainted past close home in our “business and bosoms.”

A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for “bliss.”

It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.

One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

A part of the earth’s surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.

A life on the ocean wave, A home on the rolling deep, For the spark that nature gave I have there the right to keep. They give me the cat-o’-nine Whenever I go ashore. Then ho! for the flashing brine— I’m a natural commodore! —Dodle

The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another’s treasure.

A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents.

Then Justice came. His Honor cried: “Your status?—devil seize you!” “Amica curiae,” she replied— “Friend of the court, so please you.” “Begone!” he shouted—“there’s the door— I never saw your face before!” —G. J.

Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.

One skilled in circumvention of the law.

Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.

One skilled in circumvention of the law.

Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

One skilled in circumvention of the law.

Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers—particularly to those who love not wisely but other men’s wives.

But when we hear thee buzzing like a bee We, like old Muhlenberg, “care not to stay.” And when the quick have run away like pullets Jack Satan smelts the dead to make new bullets.

The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a line rhymes with a word at the end, as in this famous passage from Bella Peeler Silcox: The electric light invades the dunnest deep of Hades.

Lickspittling is more detestable than blackmailing, precisely as the business of a confidence man is more detestable than that of a highway robber; and the parallel maintains itself throughout, for whereas few robbers will cheat, every sneak will plunder if he dare.

A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.

The question, “Is life worth living?” has been much discussed;

A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.

The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman.

’Twas a pair of boots that the lady bought, And the salesman laced them tight To a very remarkable height— Higher, indeed, than I think he ought— Higher than can be right. For the Bible declares—but never mind:

“A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp.” —Calcraft the Hangman

A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver;

A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with.

The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it “our hepaticall parte.”

The name of the Rev. John Satan has been suggested as a suitable recipient by a lover of consistency, who points out that Professor Harry Thurston Peck has long enjoyed the advantage of a degree.

The distinguishing device of civilization and enlightenment.

A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.

’Tis said by divers of the scholar-men That poor Salmasius died of Milton’s pen. Alas! we cannot know if this is true, For reading Milton’s wit we perish too.

The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.

Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.

Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

A vitreous plane upon which to display a fleeting show for man’s disillusion given. The King of Manchuria had a magic looking-glass, whereon whoso looked saw, not his own image, but only that of the king.

In England the word is pronounced Maudlin, whence maudlin, adjective, unpleasantly sentimental. With their Maudlin for Magdalene, and their Bedlam for Bethlehem, the English may justly boast themselves the greatest of revisers.

An art of converting superstition into coin.

There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.

Possibly the wee creatures peopling the corpuscles of our own blood are overcome with the proper emotion when contemplating the unthinkable distance from one of these to another.

A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.

A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clueless conduct and views that madden to crime. The genus has a wide geographical distribution, being found wherever sought and deplored wherever found.

A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex.

The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man.

The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

The chief factor in the progress of the human race.

Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines. Malthus believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking.

A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.

The god of the world’s leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.

He swore that all other religions were gammon, And wore out his knees in the worship of Mammon. —Jared Oopf

The god of the world’s leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York. He swore that all other religions were gammon, And wore out his knees in the worship of Mammon. —Jared Oopf

An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.

His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies of the original occupants.

The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important. Material things I know, or feel, or see; All else is immaterial to me. —Jamrach Holobom

The final and funniest folly of the rich.

One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

The final and funniest folly of the rich.

One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.

One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.

To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of Troy, which turned and twisted in the effort to get out of hearing when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess.

It is related of Bismark, who had been awarded a medal for gallantly rescuing a drowning person, that, being asked the meaning of the medal, he replied: “I save lives sometimes.” And sometimes he didn’t.

A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while. M is for Moses, Who slew the Egyptian. As sweet as a rose is The meekness of Moses. No monument shows his Postmortem inscription, But M is for Moses Who slew the Egyptian.

A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

M is for Moses, Who slew the Egyptian. As sweet as a rose is The meekness of Moses. No monument shows his Postmortem inscription, But M is for Moses Who slew the Egyptian. —The Biographical Alphabet

“That pipe’s a lovely white,” they say, “But it has colored him!” The moral there’s small need to sing— ’Tis plain as day to you: Don’t play your game on any thing That is a gamester too. —Martin Bulstrode

Addicted to rhetoric.

One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.

“That pipe’s a lovely white,” they say, “But it has colored him!” The moral there’s small need to sing— ’Tis plain as day to you: Don’t play your game on any thing That is a gamester too. —Martin Bulstrode

One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.

An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.

An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers on the under side.

Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

A stronghold of provincialism.

The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers on the under side.

Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers on the under side.

A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavor to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

From the Latin mens, a fact unknown to that honest shoe-seller, who, observing that his learned competitor over the way had displayed the motto “Mens conscia recti,” emblazoned his own shop front with the words “Men’s, women’s and children’s conscia recti.”

Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.

An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign’s hostility. His principal qualification is a degree of plausible inveracity next below that of an ambassador.

Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.

An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility.

In diplomacy an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign’s hostility. His principal qualification is a degree of plausible inveracity next below that of an ambassador.

An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.

A person of the highest degree of unworth.

Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology’s noblest contribution to the development of our language.

… Orient the monarch has still a considerable influence in public affairs and in the disposition of the human head, but in western Europe political administration is mostly entrusted to his ministers, he being somewhat preoccupied with reflections relating to the status of his own head.

In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property.

In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.

An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property.

A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property.

An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

Composed of words of one syllable, for literary babes who never tire of testifying their delight in the vapid compound by appropriate googoogling.

A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.

A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

The bones of Agammemnon are a show, And ruined is his royal monument, but Agammemnon’s fame suffers no diminution in consequence.

A long glove covering a part of the arm. Worn in New Jersey. But “mousquetaire” is a mighty poor way to spell muskeeter.

In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.

In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence.

A term of contempt.

The pièce de résistance in the American political problem. Representing him by the letter n, the Republicans begin to build their equation thus: “Let n = the white man.” This, however, appears to give an unsatisfactory solution.

One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoy. The leader of the school is Tolstoy.

Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoy. The leader of the school is Tolstoy.

In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it.

Nature’s provision for wealthy American maids ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music.

The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mud-gobbing and dead-catting of the opposition.

A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the age of humor, calls the nose the organ of quell.

it can be apprehended only be a process of reasoning—which is a phenomenon. Nevertheless, the discovery and exposition of noumena offer a rich field for what Lewes calls “the endless variety and excitement of philosophic thought.” Hurrah (therefore) for the noumenon!

A short story padded.

A species of composition bearing the same relation to literature that the panorama bears to art. As it is too long to be read at a sitting the impressions made by its successive parts are successively effaced, as in the panorama.

and the first three essentials of the literary art are imagination, imagination and imagination. The art of writing novels, such as it was, is long dead everywhere except in Russia, where it is new. Peace to its ashes—some of which have a large sale.

The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.

In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.

The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame’s eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy.

The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame’s eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy.

A dormitory without an alarm clock.

A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest.

Fame’s eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes.

A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.

Fame’s eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.

A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus tells of a peasant who was occupied by a different devil for every day in the week, and on Sundays by two.

A dictionary of obsolete and obsolescent words would not only be singularly rich in strong and sweet parts of speech; it would add large possessions to the vocabulary of every competent writer who might not happen to be a competent reader.

Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy.

The popular type and exponent of obstinacy is the mule, a most intelligent animal.

True, they afflict us a little worse than other sorts of verse, but their name has no reference to irregular recurrence.

The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call “war” and “commerce.”

These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call “war” and “commerce.” These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man⁠—who has no gills.

Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy. “Were the enemy’s tactics offensive?” the king asked. “I should say so!” replied the unsuccessful general. “The blackguard wouldn’t come out of his works!”

Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy. “Were the enemy’s tactics offensive?” the king asked. “I should say so!” replied the unsuccessful general. “The blackguard wouldn’t come out of his works!”

In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an old man.

Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an old book. “Old books? The devil take them!” Goby said. “Fresh every day must be my books and bread.”

His name the smirking tourist scrawls Upon Minerva’s temple walls, Where thundered once Olympian Zeus, And marks his appetite’s abuse. —Averil Joop

A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes. All acting is simulation, and the word simulation is from simia, an ape;

All acting is simulation, and the word simulation is from simia, an ape; but in opera the actor takes for his model Simia audibilis (or Pithecanthropos stentor)—the ape that howls. The actor apes a man—at least in shape; The opera performer apes an ape.

An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

To assist with obstructions and objections. How lonely he who thinks to vex With badinage the Solemn Sex! Of levity, Mere Man, beware; None but the Grave deserve the Unfair. —Percy P. Orminder

Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof—an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death.

It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief. “Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness,” said God. “No,” replied the petitioner, “I wish you to create something that would justify them.”

It is then instructed in the arts of dependence and servitude and eventually turned loose to prey upon the world as a bootblack or scullery maid.

An ox wearing the popular religious yoke.

The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear. Advocated with more heat than light by the outmates of every asylum for the insane.

The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

A particular type of disappointment.

By the kind of intelligence that sees in an exception a proof of the rule the wisdom of an act is judged by the outcome, the result. This is immortal nonsense;

An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.

It consists in “reading character” in the wrinkles made by closing the hand. The pretence is not altogether false; character can really be read very accurately in this way, for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word “dupe.”

The imposture consists in not reading it aloud.

Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.

A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.

To remit a penalty and restore to a life of crime.

To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.

To remit a penalty and restore to a life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.

A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future.

A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.

A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of anyone ambitious to illuminate his name.

In Dr. Johnson’s famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. O, what’s the loud uproar assailing Mine ears without cease? ’Tis the voice of the hopeful, all-hailing The horrors of peace. Ah, Peace Universal; they woo it— Would marry it, too.

In Dr. Johnson’s famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

O, what’s the loud uproar assailing Mine ears without cease? ’Tis the voice of the hopeful, all-hailing The horrors of peace. Ah, Peace Universal; they woo it— Would marry it, too. If only they knew how to do it ’Twere easy to do.

The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.

The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette.

An imaginary state or quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.

One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.

A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

The classical prototype of the modern “small hot bird.”

The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence. “There is no art,” says Shakespeare, foolish man, “To read the mind’s construction in the face.”

The young of the Procyanthropos, or Americanus dominans. It is small, black and charged with political fatalities.

A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

“Behold great Daubert’s picture here on view— Taken from Life.” If that description’s true, Grant, heavenly Powers, that I be taken, too. —Jali Hane

Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles. —Judibras

An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.

A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who, leaving Europe in 1620 because not permitted to sing psalms through his nose, followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience.

A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who, leaving Europe in 1620 because not permitted to sing psalms through his nose, followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience.

A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction⁠—prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.

A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction—prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.

The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.

The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.

A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.

A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.

To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague as we of today have the happiness to know it is merely Nature’s fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.

In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague as we of today have the happiness to know it is merely Nature’s fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.

To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable.

The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature.

A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard.

A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demitasse of milk-and-mortality. The Pope’s-nose of a featherless peacock. A jellyfish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg.

Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates.

Platonic Love is a fool’s name for the affection between a disability and a frost.

Coins with which the populace pays those who tickle and devour it.

Coins with which the populace pays those who tickle and devour it.

To lay the foundation for a superstructure of imposition.

The least hateful form of dejection.

To lay the foundation for a superstructure of imposition.

The least hateful form of dejection.

An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.

Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it.

An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

An implement that cries aloud for hands accustomed to the pen.

A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

A game said to be played with cards for some purpose to this lexicographer unknown.

An armed force for protection and participation.

An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.

A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.

A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

A house of atonement, or expiatory chapel, fitted with several stools of repentance, as distinguished from monogamy, which has but one.

A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.

Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.

A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.

A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.

An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author’s contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor.

Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.

Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the virtues and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a prosperity where they believe these to be unknown.

To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race that antedated Creation and lived under conditions not easily conceived. Melsius believed them to have inhabited “the Void” and to have been something intermediate between fishes and birds.

The difference is great enough to have deluged Christendom with ink, to say nothing of the gore. With the distinction of the two doctrines kept well in mind, and a reverent belief in both, one may hope to escape perdition if spared.

The wage of consistency.

The preparatory stage of disillusion.

Born later, when Clio, celestial recorder, Set down great events in succession and order, He surely had seen nothing droll or fortuitous In anything here but the lies that she threw at us. —Orpheus Bowen

A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

A church officer having a superior degree of holiness and a fat preferment. One of Heaven’s aristocracy. A gentleman of God.

A church officer having a superior degree of holiness and a fat preferment. One of Heaven’s aristocracy. A gentleman of God.

A sovereign’s right to do wrong.

One who holds the conviction that the governing authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.

The Headliner discontinued to read, And, spread the paper down On the desk, he dashed in at the top of the screed: “Great playing by President Brown.” —Orpheus Bowen

The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

The leading figure in a small group of men of whom—and of whom only—it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

Behold in me a man of mark and note Whom no elector e’er denied a vote!— An undiscredited, unhooted gent Who might, for all we know, be President By acclamation. Cheer, ye varlets, cheer— I’m passing with a wide and open ear! —Jonathan Fomry

A liar in the caterpillar state.

Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

A liar in the caterpillar state.

Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead.

Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man’s brief rapacity and long indifference.

The art and practice of selling one’s credibility for future delivery.

An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden. Blow, blow, ye spicy breezes— O’er Ceylon blow your breath, Where every prospect pleases, Save only that of death. —Bishop Sheber

An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden. Blow, blow, ye spicy breezes— O’er Ceylon blow your breath, Where every prospect pleases, Save only that of death. —Bishop Sheber

Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

A bawd hiding behind the back of her demeanor.

Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

A bawd hiding behind the back of her demeanor.

In literary affairs, to become the fundamental element in a cone of critics.

A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass. This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting Presence.

A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass.

This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting Presence.

A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it.

In the United States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House; in the House of Representatives, of the Speaker and the devil.

The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated. Intent on making his quotation truer, He sought the page infallible of Brewer, Then made a solemn vow that he would be Condemned eternally. Ah, me, ah, me! —Stumpo Gaker

An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now held in light popular esteem.

The conservatism of tomorrow injected into the affairs of today.

A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

The conservatism of tomorrow injected into the affairs of today.

A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off.

The purchase of that which neither belongs to the seller, nor can belong to the buyer. The most unprofitable of investments.

Providence without industry. The thrift of power.

A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit.

Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.

Insensible to the value of our advice.

“Now lay your bet with mine, nor let These gamblers take your cash.” “Nay, this child makes no bet.” “Great snakes! How can you be so rash?” —Bootle P. Gish

In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

To weigh probabilities in the scales of desire.

Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion.

To weigh probabilities in the scales of desire.

Accessible to the infection of our own opinions.

Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion.

A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.

To recall with additions something not previously known.

A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

To recall with additions something not previously known.

A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

To seek a justification for a decision already made.

A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

To seek a justification for a decision already made.

In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait. Fresh from the farm or factory or street, His marching, in pursuit or in retreat, Were an impressive martial spectacle Except for two impediments—his feet. —Thompson Johnson

Dukes-Guardian of the Mystic Cesspool; the Society for Prevention of Prevalence; Kings of Drink; Polite Federation of Gents-Consequential; the Mysterious Order of the Undecipherable Scroll; Uniformed Rank of Lousy Cats; Monarchs of Worth and Hunger; Sons of the South Star; Prelates of the Tub-and-Sword.

A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

“What is your religion my son?” inquired the Archbishop of Rheims. “Pardon, monseigneur,” replied Rochebriant; “I am ashamed of it.” “Then why do you not become an atheist?” “Impossible! I should be ashamed of atheism.” “In that case, monsieur, you should join the Protestants.”

And then Ithuriel touched me With a revealing spear. Not all my genius, great as ’tis, Could urge me out of night. I felt the faint appulse of his, And leapt into the light! —W. J. Candleton

Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.

Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.

It is so called to distinguish it from a “copy,” which is made by another artist. When the two are made with equal skill the replica is the more valuable, for it is supposed to be more beautiful than it looks.

A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

“More dear than all my bosom knows, O thou Whose ‘lips are sealed’ and will not disavow!” So sang the blithe reporter-man as grew Beneath his hand the leg-long “interview.” —Barson Maith

’Twas rumored Leonard Wood had signed A true renunciation Of title, rank and every kind Of military station— Each honorable station. By his example fired—inclined To noble emulation, The country humbly was resigned To Leonard’s resignation— His Christian resignation. —Politian Greame

Obstinate in a course that we approve.

The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

Obstinate in a course that we approve.

The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

To respond in damages is to contribute to the maintenance of the plaintiff’s attorney and, incidentally, to the gratification of the plaintiff.

A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor.

In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star. Alas, things ain’t what we should see If Eve had let that apple be;

A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted. In the American army it is ingeniously called “rev-e-lee,” and to that pronunciation our countrymen have pledged their lives, their misfortunes and their sacred dishonor.

A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.

A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.

To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it, Although in truth there’s neither bone nor skin to it) At work upon a book, and so read out of it The qualities that you have first read into it.

One who uses a divining-rod in prospecting for precious metals in the pocket of a fool.

Censorious language by another concerning oneself.

Censorious language by oneself concerning another. The word is of classical refinement, and is even said to have been used in a fable by Georgius Coadjutor, one of the most fastidious writers of the fifteenth century—commonly, indeed, regarded as the founder of the Fastidiotic School.

The rimer quenches his unheeded fires, The sound surceases and the sense expires. Then the domestic dog, to east and west, Expounds the passions burning in his breast. The rising moon o’er that enchanted land Pauses to hear and yearns to understand. —Mowbray Myles

A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

A careless abbreviation of requiescat in pace, attesting an indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than reductus in pulvis.

A careless abbreviation of requiescat in pace, attesting an indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than reductus in pulvis.

A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.

A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.

A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.

A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.

A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go. All roads, howsoe’er they diverge, lead to Rome, Whence, thank the good Lord, at least one leads back home.

A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.

A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

All roads, howsoe’er they diverge, lead to Rome, Whence, thank the good Lord, at least one leads back home. —Borey the Bald

All roads, howsoe’er they diverge, lead to Rome, Whence, thank the good Lord, at least one leads back home. —Borey the Bald

A candid man of affairs.

It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling companions lodged at a wayside inn. The surroundings were suggestive, and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn. “Once there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues.”

So shall I slay the wretch without a blow, Spare me to celebrate his overthrow, And nurse my valor for another foe. —Joel Buxter

A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.

A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

Among the Jews observance of the day was enforced by a Commandment of which this is the Christian version: “Remember the seventh day to make thy neighbor keep it wholly.”

A solemn religious ceremony to which several degrees of authority and significance are attached.

Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.

Some of the smaller sects have no sacraments at all—for which mean economy they will indubitably be damned.

The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment.

A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine.

For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.

A penny saved is a penny to squander. A man is known by the company that he organizes. A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that. A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.

Better late than before anybody has invited you.

Example is better than following it. Half a loaf is better than a whole one if there is much else. Think twice before you speak to a friend in need. What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.

A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that. A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring. Better late than before anybody has invited you. Example is better than following it.

Half a loaf is better than a whole one if there is much else.

Think twice before you speak to a friend in need. What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it. Least said is soonest disavowed. He laughs best who laughs least. Speak of the Devil and he will hear about it.

Least said is soonest disavowed. He laughs best who laughs least. Speak of the Devil and he will hear about it. Of two evils choose to be the least. Strike while your employer has a big contract.

Where there’s a will there’s a won’t.

The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar “tumblebug.” It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity.

All souls of women were in that sack— A draft miraculous, precious! But ere he could throw it across his back They’d all escaped through the meshes. —Baruch de Loppis

An erroneous appraisement.

Evident to one’s self and to nobody else.

All souls of women were in that sack— A draft miraculous, precious! But ere he could throw it across his back They’d all escaped through the meshes. —Baruch de Loppis

Evident to one’s self and to nobody else.

Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Evident to one’s self and to nobody else.

Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine.

To the terror that invests the chairman of a district school board, the Howells ghost adds something of the mystery enveloping a farmer from another township.

A narrative, commonly untrue.

The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached. One evening Mr. Rudolph Block, of New York, found himself seated at dinner alongside Mr. Percival Pollard, the distinguished critic. “Mr.

Where did you get them?” General Wotherspoon did not deign to reply, but walked away. “Pardon me, please,” said Barry, moving after him; “I was joking of course. Why, I knew it was not you before I had been in the room fifteen minutes.”

The one unpardonable sin against one’s fellows.

In literature, and particularly in poetry, the elements of success are exceedingly simple, and are admirably set forth in the following lines by the reverend Father Gassalasca Jape, entitled, for some mysterious reason, “John A. Joyce.”

It is based on female responsibility, which is somewhat limited. The woman most eager to jump out of her petticoat to assert her rights is first to jump back into it when threatened with a switching for misusing them.

One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked.

He is sometimes an editor.

To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. The Enemy of Human Souls Sat grieving at the cost of coals; For Hell had been annexed of late, And was a sovereign Southern State.

One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

A famous community of troglodytes dwelt with David in the Cave of Adullam. The colony consisted of “everyone that was in distress, and everyone that was in debt, and everyone that was discontented”—in brief, all the Socialists of Judah.

In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies.

An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.

In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies.

An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.

An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.

Dumb and illiterate.

An African insect (Glossina morsitans) whose bite is commonly regarded as nature’s most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist (Mendax interminabilis).

In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood—not even by Sir Boyle Roche, for example, who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird.

A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.

In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions. Having received an ultimatum from Austria, the Turkish Ministry met to consider it.

A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.

In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

Having received an ultimatum from Austria, the Turkish Ministry met to consider it. “O servant of the Prophet,” said the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk to the Mamoosh of the Invincible Army, “how many unconquerable soldiers have we in arms?”

he was calculating the chances of war. Then, “Sons of angels,” he said, “the die is cast! I shall suggest to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear that he advise inaction. In the name of Allah, the council is adjourned.”

Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

An oiling, or greasing. The rite of extreme unction consists in touching with oil consecrated by a bishop several parts of the body of one engaged in dying.

He wrote at Inspiration’s call Deep disquisitions on them all, Then, pent at last in an asylum, Performed the service to compile ’em. So great a writer, all men swore, They never had not read before. —Jorrock Wormley

One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, “I beg your pardon,” and it is not inconsistent with disregard of the rights of others.

The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.

A perverted affection that has strayed to one’s own wife.

A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler’s hope.

“Why have you halted?” roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge; “move forward, sir, at once.”

A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler’s hope. “Why have you halted?” roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge; “move forward, sir, at once.”

“General,” said the commander of the delinquent brigade, “I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.”

The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass. They say that hens do cackle loudest when There’s nothing vital in the eggs they’ve laid;

“move forward, sir, at once.” “General,” said the commander of the delinquent brigade, “I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.”

The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

They say that hens do cackle loudest when There’s nothing vital in the eggs they’ve laid;

Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold, His blazing breeches and high-towering cap— Imperiously pompous, grandly bold, Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap! Who’d think this gorgeous creature’s only virtue Is that in battle he will never hurt you? —Hannibal Hunsiker

Certain abstentions.

Satire, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold, His blazing breeches and high-towering cap— Imperiously pompous, grandly bold, Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap! Who’d think this gorgeous creature’s only virtue Is that in battle he will never hurt you? —Hannibal Hunsiker

Satire, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

The instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

Satire, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

The instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

For a man ’twixt a king of finance and the sea, Carnegie, Carnegie, your tongue is too free! —Anonymus Bink

A byproduct of the arts of peace.

The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity. The student of history who has not been taught to expect the unexpected may justly boast himself inaccessible to the light.