The Adventurous Simplicissimus quotes

So may it be easily understood that I, with such knowledge of theology, lived like our first parents in Paradise, which in their innocence knew nought of sickness or death or dying, and still less of the Resurrection.

O noble life! (or, as one might better say, O noodle’s life!) in which none troubles himself about medicine.

And by this measure ye can estimate my proficiency in the study of jurisprudence and all other arts and sciences. Yea, I was so perfected in ignorance that I knew not that I knew nothing.

O noble life! (or, as one might better say, O noodle’s life!) in which none troubles himself about medicine. And by this measure ye can estimate my proficiency in the study of jurisprudence and all other arts and sciences.

Yea, I was so perfected in ignorance that I knew not that I knew nothing.

So say I again, O noble life that once I led! But my dad would not suffer me long to enjoy such bliss, but deemed it right that as being nobly born, I should nobly act and nobly live:

“God save us,” answered the hermit, “art thou demented or very cunning?”

“Nay,” said I, “I am my mammy’s and dad’s boy, and neither Master Demented nor Master Cunning.”

Then the hermit showed his amazement with sighs and crossing of himself, and says he, “ ’Tis well, dear child, I am determined if God will better to instruct thee.”

The governor asked, “Where, in what wood?” And again I paid him in my old coin and said I did not know. Then the governor turned to some of his officers that waited on him and said,

“Either this is an arch-rogue, or else a fool: and a fool he cannot be, that can write so well.”

And as he spake, he turned over the leaves to show them my fine handwriting, and that so sharply that the hermit’s letter fell out:

seeing that Christ bears testimony to them that at least they did love one another.

Then thought I, if we have no reward because we love our enemies, how great must our punishment be if we hate our friends!

And where there should be the greatest love and good faith, there I found the worst treachery and the strongest hatred. For many a lord would fleece his true servants and subjects, and some retainers would play the rogue against the best of lords.

I would that all men had been reared with my hermit, believing that then many would look on the world’s ways with Simplicissimus’ eyes as I then beheld them.

I had not the wit to see that if there were only Simplicissimuses in the world then there were not so many vices to behold

: meanwhile ’tis certain that a man of the world, as being accustomed to all vices and himself partaker thereof, cannot in the least understand on what a thorny path he and his likes do walk.

So I whipt my spoon out of my pouch again and gave the calf’s-head the second turn, and showed briefly and well what they asked of me, for I swallowed the second eye like the first, in a wink.

“Pardieu,” quoth my lord, “this trick savoureth better than ten calves.”

And thereupon all the gentlemen present praised that saying and spoke of my deed, which I had done for pure simplicity, as a wondrous device and a presage of future boldness and fearless and swift resolution:

which occasioned pretty sport. And in a wink a crowd of folk ran together to see this fool’s jape, and as my lord laughed till he was fit to burst, at last he said,

“Truly one fool maketh a hundred more.”

But I thought to myself, “Yea, and thou speakest this truth of thine own self.”

which same, according to the opinion of all and especially of my lord, turned out most wittily; for I christened each as his qualities demanded.

In a word; many did count me for a witless madman, while I held all for fools in their wits.

And to my thinking this is still the way of the world: for each one is content with his own wits and esteemeth that he is of all men the cleverest.

There I appeared and stood a-gaping like a dummy: whereupon she whom I had before caught at the dance took occasion to say she had been told this calf could speak, but now she did plainly perceive ’twas not true.

Whereto I made answer I had also heard apes could not speak, but now could plainly hear ’twas not so.

“What;” says my lord, “opinest thou, then, that these ladies be apes?”

So I answered, “Be they not so already, yet they soon will be: for who knoweth how things will go;

Yea, I myself had never expected to become a calf; and yet am I that same.

”

nay, on the contrary part, they are poor and needy because their winnings are lightly esteemed, and therefore either gambled away again or wasted in vile pleasures. Hence is derived that true yet sad saying, ‘

The devil never leaveth the gamester, yet leaveth him ever poor

,’ for he taketh from them goods, courage, and honour, and then quitteth them no more (except God’s infinite mercy save them) till he have made an end of their souls.

And pretty soon I had devised a trick and let my lieutenant-colonel know I had plans by which the place could be secured without trouble and expense, if only I could be pardoned and set free. Yet some old and tried soldiers laughed and said,

“Drowning men catch at straws; and this good fellow thinks to talk himself out of gaol.”

But the lieutenant-colonel himself, with others that knew me, listened to my words as to an article of belief;

But when I would approach ’twas with me as before, namely, that my hair stood on end; and this strengthened my belief that a treasure must there be hid.

Ten times, nay a hundred times, sooner would I have exchanged shots with an enemy than have found myself in such a terror.

I was plagued and knew not by what: for I heard and saw naught.

I do think there is no man in the world that hath not a bee in his bonnet, for we be all men of one mould and by mine own fruits I can mark how others’ ripen.

Oh coxcomb! say you; if thou beest a fool, thinkest thou others must be too? Nay, that were to say too much: but this I maintain, that one man can hide his folly better than another.

in reward for which he had from the baggages many presents, which yet cost me most, seeing that I spent a little fortune on them, and could well say, “

What is won with the drum is lost with the fife.

” All the same, I kept my affairs so secret that not one man in a hundred would have taken me for a rake, save only the priest, from whom I borrowed not so many good books as formerly.

When Fortune will cast a man down, she raiseth him first to the heights, and the good God doth faithfully warn every man before his fall.

Such a warning had I, but would have none of it. For I was stiffly persuaded of this, that my fortune was so firmly founded that no mishap could cast me down, because all, and specially the commandant himself, wished me well;

Things do happen in different fashions. To one man ill luck cometh by degrees and slowly: another it doth fall upon in a heap.

So hardly had I spent a week in the wedded state with my dear wife, when I took leave of her and her friends in my huntsman’s dress with my gun upon my shoulder;

From this disease followeth endless mischance both for the patient and for others: for the patient, palsy, gout, and early death (and perhaps an eternal death also).

Yet can we with a good conscience refuse to call such men patients, be they never so dangerously ill, for patience is what they most do lack.

Some, too, I saw quite sick with envy, of whom ’tis said that they eat their own hearts out, because they do ever walk so pale and sad.

If you sharpen a razor too much you will notch the edge, and if you overbend the bow, at last ’twill break.

The trick I played on my host with the hare was not enough for me, but I devised others to punish his insatiable greed. So did I teach the boarders to water the salted butter and so to get rid of the overplus salt;

Wherewithal a man sinneth, therewith is he wont to be punished.

This smallpox did so handle me that thenceforward I needed not to fear the women. I got such holes in my face that I looked like a barn-floor whereon they have threshed peas:

at that the good peasants dragged out their purses and bought of me: which not only helped my hungry belly, but also I could take horse again, earned much money on the way, and so came safely to the German border.

And so, my dear country-folks, put not your faith in quacks: or ye will be deceived by them, since they seek not your health but your wealth.

Yet had I not had such a friend at court these same acts would have been held deserving of severe punishment.

And so I drew my conclusion how ’twould go at court if a rogue should gain a prince’s favour.

Our meal ended, we found the Jew had no horse which would serve Herzbruder for me:

A determined soldier whose business it is to hold his life cheap and to adventure it easily, is but a stupid creature.

Out of a thousand fellows you could hardly have found one that would have gone as a guest to an unknown place with one that had even now tried to murder him. On the way I asked him which army he was of.

And thinkest thou not there be many buried in churches that have deserved sword, gallows, fire, and wheel? Many a man could not have brought his lecherous intent to a good end had not the church helped him.

Is a bargain to be driven or a loan to be granted, ’tis done at the church door.

Many a usurer there is that can spare no time in the week to reckon up his rogueries, that can sit in church of a Sunday and devise how to practise fresh villainies.

So having put the same on under our shirts, ’twas as if we had golden armour behind and before, by means of which we were become, if not proof against bullets, yet against swords.

Then did I wonder why he kept no silver coin: to which he answered he had more than a thousand thalers lying in a tree from which he allowed the peasant to buy victuals, and never asked for a reckoning, as not greatly valuing such trash.

This done and the money packed, away we went to our hut, and there cooked our food and warmed ourselves by the stove all night.

And what supported us in this long journey was: for the peasant the fear of death and for me the desire to escape, myself and my money; yea,

I do well-nigh believe that gold lendeth a man strength: for though I carried a heavy enough load of it yet I felt no especial weariness.

I held it for a lucky omen that even as I came to the gates of Villingen they were being opened, where the officer of the watch examined me;

Things be strangely ordered in this changeful world;

’Tis said he that should know all things would soon be rich: but I say he that always could seize his opportunity would soon be great and powerful.

So as she was packing of her butter up again I cried across to her,

“Ah, maiden, ’tis true ye have cooled your butter in the water with your fair hands, yet with your bright eyes have ye set my heart afire.”

But she no sooner saw and heard me but away she ran as if she were pursued, without answering me a word, and so left me possessed with all the follies wherewith fantastic lovers are wont to be tormented.

… that in part rejoiced me yet again troubled me, for I thought now I must be some bastard or foundling, and therefore asked my dad how he had come by the said boy or what reason he had had to rear him as his own.

“Ah,” says he, “I had strange luck with him: by war I got him and by war I lost him.”

But now being afeared lest some fact should come to light that would disgrace my birth, I turned the discourse upon the goat again and asked if he had sold it to the hostess for cooking, which would seem strange to me as knowing that …

But in despite of all I answered him, “Father, I will stay and await the end even though it rained pitchforks.”

“Yea, yea,” answered he, “ye act like all madcap boys, that care not if the world perish.”

But I, while I listened to his scolding, turned not mine eyes away from the depths of the lake, expecting to see certain bladders or bubbles rising up from the bottom, as is wont to happen when stones are thrown into deep water whether still …

By that I heard they must be of the Swabian nation; which men esteem as simple-minded yet with little cause: so I said I was a travelling scholar, but newly come from the Venusberg, where I had learned a heap of wondrous arts.

“Oho,” quoth the eldest woodman, “Praise God; for now do I believe that I shall live to see peace again, because the wandering scholars are on their travels anew!”

To which I answered, my desires had ever been to that end, most dutifully to serve the Czar, seeing that for this purpose I had come into his country, albeit I perceived that I was kept like a prisoner. But he replied,

“Nay, nay, sir, ye be no prisoner, but his Majesty doth hold ye so dear that he cannot resolve to part with your person.” So says I, “Wherefore then am I guarded?” “Because,” he answered, “his Majesty feareth lest any harm should happen to ye.”

So now understanding my proposals, he said the Czar was graciously pleased to consider of digging for saltpetre in his own country and making of powder there;

This caused me to reflect upon the past and demand of myself an account of the life I had led, for I had naught else to do. So said I to myself: “

Thy life hath been no life but a death, thy days a toilsome shadow, thy years a troublous dream, thy pleasures grievous sins, thy youth a fantasy, and thy happiness an alchemist’s treasure that is gone by the chimney and vanished ere thou canst perceive it.

Through many dangers thou hast followed the wars, and in the same encountered much good and ill luck: hast been now high, now low: now great, now small: now rich, now poor: now merry, now sorry: now loved, now hated: now honoured, now despised: