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How to Tell the Birds from the Flowers and Other Woodcuts

by Robert Williams Wood

Length: 3,208 words, about 13 pages, about 13 minutes to read

Poetry, Satire and humour

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What it is

A physicist writes and illustrates a collection of humorous poems responding to the Nature Fakers controversy.

The best passages

Pages from the book itself, chosen to make you want to read on. Each opens in the reader at that exact spot.

Intro‑duc‑tion

By other Nature books I’m sure, You’ve often been misled, You’ve tried a wall‑flower to secure, And “picked a hen” instead: You’ve wondered what the egg‑plants lay, And why the chestnut’s burred, And if the hop‑vine hops away, It’s perfectly absurd. I hence submit for your inspection, This very new and choice collection, Of flowers on Storks, and Phlox of birds, With some explanatory words. Not every one is always able To recognize a vegetable, For some are guided by tradition, While others use their intuition, And even I make no pretense Of having more than common sense. Indeed these strange homologies Are in most flornithologies, And I have freely drawn upon The works of Gray and Audubon, Avoiding though the frequent blunders Of those who study Nature’s wonders.

Keep reading from here

10 of the best lines

You never hear the Crocus croak!

The Crow; The CrocusKeep reading from here

Lichens, regardless of conventions, Exist in only two dimensions,

The Hen; The LichenKeep reading from here

The Parrot and the Carrot one may easily confound,

The Parrot; The CarrotKeep reading from here

We sleep less soundly than we used ter And love the Rue but rue the Rooster.

The Rue; The RoosterKeep reading from here

To find his double I have searched, But have discovered⁠—Nuffin’.

Puffin; NuffinKeep reading from here

Because the Bunnies have their heads where Tunnies have their tails.

The Bunny; The TunnyKeep reading from here

She made, regardless of offendin’, The Sword‑fish mightier than the Penguin.

The Pen‑guin; The Sword‑fishKeep reading from here

If you will tap the Cantelope reposing on the ground It will not move, but just emit a melon‑choly sound

The Antelope; The CantelopeKeep reading from here

Whose writings, though considered classic, Savor some‑what of the Jurassic.

Author’s Add‑end‑’emKeep reading from here

To you the field I now leave clear, Upset my ink, and disappear!

Author’s Add‑end‑’emKeep reading from here

All 16 How to Tell the Birds from the Flowers and Other Woodcuts quotes, with the words around each

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Contents

All 51 parts
  1. Intro‑duc‑tion
  2. Burr; Bird
  3. The Crow; The Crocus
  4. The Clover; The Plover
  5. The Ole Gander; The Oleander
  6. The Hen; The Lichen
  7. The Pelican; The Panicle
  8. The Pea; The Pewee
  9. The Parrot; The Carrot
  10. The Rue; The Rooster
  11. The Hawk; The Hollyhock
  12. The Pecan; The Toucan
  13. The Cat‑bird; The Cat‑nip
  14. The Quail; The Kale
  15. The Auk; The Orchid
  16. The Cow Bird; The Cowslip
  17. The Butter‑ball; The Butter‑cup
  18. The Roc; The Shamrock
  19. A Sparrer; Asparagus
  20. The Blue Mountain Lory; The Blue Morning Glory
  21. The Tern; The Turnip
  22. The Larks; The Larkspur
  23. Cross Bill; Sweet William
  24. The Ibis; The ’Ibiscus
  25. The Pipe; The Snipe
  26. The Jay; The Bay
  27. The Gent‑ians; The Lady‑bird
  28. Puffin; Nuffin
  29. The Bee; The Beet; The Beetle
  30. The Bunny; The Tunny
  31. The Puss; The Octo‑pus
  32. The Eel; The Eelephant
  33. The Ant; The Pheas‑ant
  34. The Hare; The Harrier
  35. The Pen‑guin; The Sword‑fish
  36. The Gnu; The Newt
  37. The Ray; The Raven
  38. The Ape; The Grape
  39. The Doe; The Dodo
  40. The Pipe‑fish; The Sea‑gar
  41. The Elk; The Whelk
  42. The P‑cock; The Q‑cumber
  43. The Sloe; The Sloth
  44. The Cow; The Cowry
  45. The Antelope; The Cantelope
  46. The Pansy; The Chim‑pansy
  47. Naught; Nautilus
  48. The Coot; The Bandicoot
  49. The Pitcher Plant; The Fly‑catcher
  50. The Yellow‑hammer; The Saw‑fish
  51. Author’s Add‑end‑’em

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About this edition

Text from Standard Ebooks. Standard Ebooks dedicate their edition to the public domain (CC0 1.0). Every passage and line on this page is the book's own words, checked against the text.